My Food Network Fave Five

Editor's note: I know it's seems kinda odd to make a random post like this seeing as how I haven't blogged for quite sometime. I've lost all of my blogging momentum. I felt I should blog about the lack of me blogging but instead of blogging about that, I'll tell you. Facebook killed my blogging time. I had a captive audience I couldn't resist and I couldn't overcome the OCD of me updating my status with nonsensical shit. It was a quick fix. All the funny things I wanted to blog about were suddenly quenched with a quick quip to my peoples on Facebook. Yeah, I got a temporary high from it, but deep down it wasn't satisfying. So, my tens of readers, I am back! Now, to get reacquainted with the home keys. ASDF....

I love to cook. I love food. I love the Food Network. It's must-see-TV everyday for me. The men in my family have always cooked, so that part seems natural. My dad cooked because he HAD to. It was just him and I and we had to eat, so he did what great any father would do, cook for his son. I don't think he particularly enjoyed it, but he did what needed to be done. Somehow out of that, I grew to love cooking.

I remember being super excited when we got a blender and a food processor one year. I didn't know what the hell to do with them, but I was hyped and I really wanted them. Back then information wasn't as accessible as it is now (I mean, there were cooking shows on PBS, but they weren't that educational), so there was a lot of half-ass trial and error cooking going on. I'd try to make pancake batter in a blender; tried to make milk shakes in the food processor; I'd shred cheese that would end up going bad. I think the only thing I made well were sliced potato rounds. All I had to do was push the potato down the chute, then throw the slices in hot oil.

I then hit the mother load, we got the sandwich snack maker. I think it was called the super snacker. Whatever the hell it was called, I was in food-gadget heaven. I had seen it on the infomercials and couldn't wait to get my hands on one. I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, turkey and cheese sandwiches, garlic spaghetti pockets, tuna melts, hard ass brownies, you name it. This little vessel was the canvas I needed to tap into my budding culinary genius. Had I known then what I know now, I would have used non-stick spray before each use. That thing was a bitch to clean. And one time I left it out, and came home from school and god damn ants were crawling in it! And I killed the ants with bug spray and accidentally got it on the non-stick surface.. and I scrubbed it.. and was paranoid too cook with it for fear of residual bug spray... and I finally tried to cook with it once, and then the g'damn bread stuck... oh, man, that still pisses me off. And it's been 18 years. I eventually boxed back up, took it back down to The Broadway in Downey and pulled the ol' switcharoo. Man, that was a tangent.

So I love to cook, that's the point I am trying to make. I love it, and I am very passionate about it. I don't know why I don't blog about it more when I am scratching around for material.

Way back when I first moved out on my own, I was only equipped with the recipes my dad made. It was more than a solid enough foundation to get going. I made his salmon croquettes, pasta, potatoes, and other standard fare.

Once settled in, I would always end up on Food Network while channel surfing. One of the first shows I watched was Taste with David Rosengarten. From what I remember he talked about a lot of booze and did food sometimes. I remember the beer episode, and I really remember the tequila episode. He sampled each tequila he talked about and by minute 25 of the 30 minute show there was some mild slurring and stammering going on. That amused me to no end. So I was sold on him.

Then I watched Good Eats shortly after it aired and I was HOOKED. Mr. Wizard meets Chef Boyar-mf'in-dee! It was informative, educational, and it really lit a fire underneath me to cook.

Which brings us to now. With Alton Brown as my yoda, I've come pretty far in my culinary Jedi training. By no means am I a chef, but I know enough to buckle a few knees.

I was reading Fightin' Mad Mary's blog about a Contessa recipe she made. As I was commenting on her blog, I started going off on a tangent about Contessa. Then I thought, this is some shit I should be blogging about... and the fire was back, baybee!! Since everyone is doing lists nowadays, I give you my Food Network Fave Five:

1) Alton Brown, Good Eats

My Lord and savior in the kitchen. No one person (outside of pops) has influenced my cooking as he has. I've sucked everything up like a sponge, sensei. From your science, to your gadgets, everything I do in the kitchen is rooted or derived from something you have taught me.

2) Giada DeLaurentis, Everyday Italian

Yes, she's attractive, but that's not why I watch. It took me months to convince my girlfriend of that. Yes, she has a plunging neck line and yes her mammaries would heave to and fro as she whisked eggs, but aside from all that, she could cook like a mf'er. Her pasta dishes are cheap and easy to make. Win win. Her recipes are on our plates once or twice a week. She's the reason I bought a hand-grater and now put PARMEGINO RRREGIANO on everything. And I mean everything, veggies, chili, eggs, pizza, funnel cake, cereal, my toothbrush... everything!

3) Ina Garten, Barefoot Contessa

Oh, Ina, you're so fancy in your big luxurious West Hampton home; going out to your garden for basil, thyme, and chives. The fancy wine and cheese store. The fancy table setting and centerpieces. For 30 minutes, I can be a middle-aged white woman frolicking through The Hamptons entertaining my fancy friends. And then there's Jeffrey, the man you love to cook for. Erika's my Jeffrey. Just come back in 30 minutes when dinner is ready, honey. Ina was on the fence for the Food Network Fave Five for a minute. I wasn't cooking any of her recipes, but she was so whimsical and delightful that I just couldn't turn away from this nice lady. Then I found her niche; she loves to entertain, as do I. She always has great recipes on appetizers and desserts. I've tried a bunch of the appetizers and they were all great. Especially her roasted shrimp cocktail. It was so g'damn good I made it four times in an 8 day span. As I commented on Mary's blog, I'm scared to know what the mercury levels in our blood are right now. Honey, I won't mention how you destroyed the shrimp George Costanza style:



Whoops!

4) Tyler Florence - Tyler's Ultimate

The new guy (relative to my list) on the block. I know he's been around since the early days of The Food Network, but I absolutely have no memory of him. I used to see him in the Applebee's commercials hyping up his specials on there. That didn't help his cause. Erika and I ate at Applebee's in Cincinnati for the first time (none around here, thank god) and I was absolutey appalled by how bad it tasted. Eating good in the neighborhood, my ass! They should say "eating ass in the neighborhood". Sounds much better and much more accurate. Back to Tyler... I recently added "Chefography" to my DVR and one of the episodes was about the network itself. It really took me back to some old shows I would watch in the early days of the network. They showed clips of their early chefs; a much thinner Mario Battali, Bobby Flay (more on him later), and Tyler Florence. For some reason seeing those guys before they were successful trying to teach people how to cook was endearing. So I decided to give Tyler's show a chance, and WOW, great stuff! I've already saved a few of his recipes that I plan on cooking within the next week. Pretty good for only having watched a handful on episodes.

5) Bobby Flay - Boy Meets Grill

I've always known who he was, some dude with a grill. When I did see his show, I didn't really care for him. Then I would start to see more of him as I started to watch more Iron Chef America, and one thing stood out: he would get his ass kicked a lot. How could this fool possibly call himself an Iron Chef batting .500? Mario Bitali is the straight-up ass kicker on that show. He's Michael Jordan in an apron and Crocs. So Bobby wasn't winning any points there. Then after watching said Food Network documentary, I started to see him in a different light. He was a pretty likable guy and it was funny seeing him on the network in the early days. Congrats, Bobby, you gets the 5 spot. Now If I could only make one of your recipes...

Honorable Mention

Emeril Lagasse - The Essence of Emeril

I used to love The Essence of Emeril back in the day. I watched him before I ever saw Good Eats. Then he got a studio audience and a band and people would explode with applause and whooping everytime he added garlic. What?!

Rachael Ray - 30 Minute Meals

I'm not a RR-hater like a lot of people. I know she's a cook and not a chef. I DVR'd her show for about two months until I realized I didn't make anything she cooked and I was just watching her to see how many items she could carry at once while she was prepping to cook. It was like watching a human Jenga. Fascinating!

Ingrid Hoffman - Simply Delicioso

Ingrid was on my DVR list too. About the same time as RR. In that time I made HALF of one recipe. Her jalapeno avocado dip that we now eat with our taquitos instead of guacamole. I like her show more for the sultry South Beach soundtrack that underscored her cutaway scenes. I would immedietly jump up and start to salsa and cumbia for Erika who was amused at my lack of ritmo. Bad dancing and one half of one recipe. Sorry, mami, you gotta bounce.

Paula Deen - Whatever-Show-She's-On

Oh boy. She's bawdy and funny and loves to use a shitload of butter on everything. But is it too much for a cooking show? I don't know yet. Part of me wants to watch, but for all of the wrong reasons. I'd love play a drinking game with her show with "y'all" being the drink-word. I'm still on the fence with this one. Her Iron Chef America appearance doesn't help her cause. She was yapping the whole time and taunting the other team. It was funny, but a little over the top. Erika couldn't watch. Stay turned.

Labels: cooking

posted by Bdub at 8:13 PM