Bdub's Blog

Shame On This Bastard

2009-04-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

Me and E were watching the Blazers/Nuggests game tonight and saw said bastard above. April 3rd was our three year anniversay and two months prior my buddy scored tickets to the Lakers/Rockets game and invited me to go along. Turns out the night of the game fell on was the same night as me and E's anniversary. So what did I do? I manned-up and spent the day with my lady and took her out to dinner, that's what! So again, shame on you sir, in your Gred Oden jersey! How can you leave your woman at home to go watch an awesome regular season NBA game with playoff intensity? (This post is worth 500 brownie points)

Jim Hill's Natural

2009-03-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

What is up with Jim Hill's natural? I remember that same natural when I was in 5th grade. This brother hasn't changed hair styles once in twenty-some-odd years. No flat top, no fade, no S-curl, no jheri curl, no finger wave, no corn rows, no relaxer, no process, no gumby-fro, no fro-hawk, no dreadlocks, no nothing, just the same ol' natural. It must really work for him. More power to ya, bruh.

NYC Is Gettin' Soft, Son!

2009-02-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

I hate Boston fans, but they get props for calling out the Knicks fans at Madison Square Garden tonight. I'm not sure what to make of them chanting MVP MVP for Kobe earlier this week. It's one thing to show a player love and applaud after a dominitating performance but MVP at MSG? I don't know what to attribute that to. Maybe the real fans are being priced out? Maybe the fans in attendance are not basketball fans and are just there to see a "show"? Whatever it is, they're gettin' soft son, and you would not see that happen in Beantown, no matter how bad their team is.

Laker Thoughts

2009-01-16T21:29:00.000-08:00

Editor's note: I'm not a Laker fan, per se, but I watch their games more than any other team. I was born and raised a Laker fan but got more into college bball during the Post-Magic Johnson era. That's when I got on JKidd's jock, and the rest is history. Since his dismantling at the hands of Chris Paul in the 2008 NBA Playoffs, he's pretty much not been the same player; he's in the twilight of his career and my fire that used to burn for him is flickering out. Right now I am pretty much in NBA limbo, and it's not a bad place to be. I watch all the teams and players and have no rooting interest really. Since the Lakers are always on, and they display a good brand of basketball (as opposed to their arena-mate) I tend to watch more of their games, and since I have no emotional attachment/investment in this team I think that I am a pretty objective critic; I'm not blinded by the purple and gold like my boys out here. So I would like to start a section in my blog called Laker Thoughts.

Lamar Odom has to be the worst finisher I have ever seen. I wonder if they keep a stat for blown AND1s. I bet he leads the league in that department. He can never finish. Pathetic.

Lamar is also the wost traffic-passer I have ever seen. He'll wait until the absolute worst time to dump off the ball to a teammate that isn't looking for it.

My Food Network Fave Five

2009-01-12T20:13:00.000-08:00

Editor's note: I know it's seems kinda odd to make a random post like this seeing as how I haven't blogged for quite sometime. I've lost all of my blogging momentum. I felt I should blog about the lack of me blogging but instead of blogging about that, I'll tell you. Facebook killed my blogging time. I had a captive audience I couldn't resist and I couldn't overcome the OCD of me updating my status with nonsensical shit. It was a quick fix. All the funny things I wanted to blog about were suddenly quenched with a quick quip to my peoples on Facebook. Yeah, I got a temporary high from it, but deep down it wasn't satisfying. So, my tens of readers, I am back! Now, to get reacquainted with the home keys. ASDF....

I love to cook. I love food. I love the Food Network. It's must-see-TV everyday for me. The men in my family have always cooked, so that part seems natural. My dad cooked because he HAD to. It was just him and I and we had to eat, so he did what great any father would do, cook for his son. I don't think he particularly enjoyed it, but he did what needed to be done. Somehow out of that, I grew to love cooking.

I remember being super excited when we got a blender and a food processor one year. I didn't know what the hell to do with them, but I was hyped and I really wanted them. Back then information wasn't as accessible as it is now (I mean, there were cooking shows on PBS, but they weren't that educational), so there was a lot of half-ass trial and error cooking going on. I'd try to make pancake batter in a blender; tried to make milk shakes in the food processor; I'd shred cheese that would end up going bad. I think the only thing I made well were sliced potato rounds. All I had to do was push the potato down the chute, then throw the slices in hot oil.

I then hit the mother load, we got the sandwich snack maker. I think it was called the super snacker. Whatever the hell it was called, I was in food-gadget heaven. I had seen it on the infomercials and couldn't wait to get my hands on one. I was making grilled cheese sandwiches, turkey and cheese sandwiches, garlic spaghetti pockets, tuna melts, hard ass brownies, you name it. This little vessel was the canvas I needed to tap into my budding culinary genius. Had I known then what I know now, I would have used non-stick spray before each use. That thing was a bitch to clean. And one time I left it out, and came home from school and god damn ants were crawling in it! And I killed the ants with bug spray and accidentally got it on the non-stick surface.. and I scrubbed it.. and was paranoid too cook with it for fear of residual bug spray... and I finally tried to cook with it once, and then the g'damn bread stuck... oh, man, that still pisses me off. And it's been 18 years. I eventually boxed back up, took it back down to The Broadway in Downey and pulled the ol' switcharoo. Man, that was a tangent.

So I love to cook, that's the point I am trying to make. I love it, and I am very passionate about it. I don't know why I don't blog about it more when I am scratching around for material.

Way back when I first moved out on my own, I was only equipped with the recipes my dad made. It was more than a solid enough foundation to get going. I made his salmon croquettes, pasta, potatoes, and other standard fare.

Once settled in, I would always end up on Food Network while channel surfing. One of the first shows I watched was Taste with David Rosengarten. From what I remember he talked about a lot of booze and did food sometimes. I remember the beer episode, and I really remember the tequila episode. He sampled each tequila he talked about and by minute 25 of the 30 minute show there was some mild slurring and stammering going on. That amused me to no end. So I was sold on him.

Then I watched Good Eats shortly after it aired and I was HOOKED. Mr. Wizard meets Chef Boyar-mf'in-dee! It was informative, educational, and it really lit a fire underneath me to cook.

Which brings us to now. With Alton Brown as my yoda, I've come pretty far in my culinary Jedi training. By no means am I a chef, but I know enough to buckle a few knees.

I was reading Fightin' Mad Mary's blog about a Contessa recipe she made. As I was commenting on her blog, I started going off on a tangent about Contessa. Then I thought, this is some shit I should be blogging about... and the fire was back, baybee!! Since everyone is doing lists nowadays, I give you my Food Network Fave Five:

1) Alton Brown, Good Eats

My Lord and savior in the kitchen. No one person (outside of pops) has influenced my cooking as he has. I've sucked everything up like a sponge, sensei. From your science, to your gadgets, everything I do in the kitchen is rooted or derived from something you have taught me.

2) Giada DeLaurentis, Everyday Italian

Yes, she's attractive, but that's not why I watch. It took me months to convince my girlfriend of that. Yes, she has a plunging neck line and yes her mammaries would heave to and fro as she whisked eggs, but aside from all that, she could cook like a mf'er. Her pasta dishes are cheap and easy to make. Win win. Her recipes are on our plates once or twice a week. She's the reason I bought a hand-grater and now put PARMEGINO RRREGIANO on everything. And I mean everything, veggies, chili, eggs, pizza, funnel cake, cereal, my toothbrush... everything!

3) Ina Garten, Barefoot Contessa

Oh, Ina, you're so fancy in your big luxurious West Hampton home; going out to your garden for basil, thyme, and chives. The fancy wine and cheese store. The fancy table setting and centerpieces. For 30 minutes, I can be a middle-aged white woman frolicking through The Hamptons entertaining my fancy friends. And then there's Jeffrey, the man you love to cook for. Erika's my Jeffrey. Just come back in 30 minutes when dinner is ready, honey. Ina was on the fence for the Food Network Fave Five for a minute. I wasn't cooking any of her recipes, but she was so whimsical and delightful that I just couldn't turn away from this nice lady. Then I found her niche; she loves to entertain, as do I. She always has great recipes on appetizers and desserts. I've tried a bunch of the appetizers and they were all great. Especially her roasted shrimp cocktail. It was so g'damn good I made it four times in an 8 day span. As I commented on Mary's blog, I'm scared to know what the mercury levels in our blood are right now. Honey, I won't mention how you destroyed the shrimp George Costanza style:

Whoops!

4) Tyler Florence - Tyler's Ultimate

The new guy (relative to my list) on the block. I know he's been around since the early days of The Food Network, but I absolutely have no memory of him. I used to see him in the Applebee's commercials hyping up his specials on there. That didn't help his cause. Erika and I ate at Applebee's in Cincinnati for the first time (none around here, thank god) and I was absolutey appalled by how bad it tasted. Eating good in the neighborhood, my ass! They should say "eating ass in the neighborhood". Sounds much better and much more accurate. Back to Tyler... I recently added "Chefography" to my DVR and one of the episodes was about the network itself. It really took me back to some old shows I would watch in the early days of the network. They showed clips of their early chefs; a much thinner Mario Battali, Bobby Flay (more on him later), and Tyler Florence. For some reason seeing those guys before they were successful trying to teach people how to cook was endearing. So I decided to give Tyler's show a chance, and WOW, great stuff! I've already saved a few of his recipes that I plan on cooking within the next week. Pretty good for only having watched a handful on episodes.

5) Bobby Flay - Boy Meets Grill

I've always known who he was, some dude with a grill. When I did see his show, I didn't really care for him. Then I would start to see more of him as I started to watch more Iron Chef America, and one thing stood out: he would get his ass kicked a lot. How could this fool possibly call himself an Iron Chef batting .500? Mario Bitali is the straight-up ass kicker on that show. He's Michael Jordan in an apron and Crocs. So Bobby wasn't winning any points there. Then after watching said Food Network documentary, I started to see him in a different light. He was a pretty likable guy and it was funny seeing him on the network in the early days. Congrats, Bobby, you gets the 5 spot. Now If I could only make one of your recipes...

Honorable Mention

Emeril Lagasse - The Essence of Emeril

I used to love The Essence of Emeril back in the day. I watched him before I ever saw Good Eats. Then he got a studio audience and a band and people would explode with applause and whooping everytime he added garlic. What?!

Rachael Ray - 30 Minute Meals

I'm not a RR-hater like a lot of people. I know she's a cook and not a chef. I DVR'd her show for about two months until I realized I didn't make anything she cooked and I was just watching her to see how many items she could carry at once while she was prepping to cook. It was like watching a human Jenga. Fascinating!

Ingrid Hoffman - Simply Delicioso

Ingrid was on my DVR list too. About the same time as RR. In that time I made HALF of one recipe. Her jalapeno avocado dip that we now eat with our taquitos instead of guacamole. I like her show more for the sultry South Beach soundtrack that underscored her cutaway scenes. I would immedietly jump up and start to salsa and cumbia for Erika who was amused at my lack of ritmo. Bad dancing and one half of one recipe. Sorry, mami, you gotta bounce.

Paula Deen - Whatever-Show-She's-On

Oh boy. She's bawdy and funny and loves to use a shitload of butter on everything. But is it too much for a cooking show? I don't know yet. Part of me wants to watch, but for all of the wrong reasons. I'd love play a drinking game with her show with "y'all" being the drink-word. I'm still on the fence with this one. Her Iron Chef America appearance doesn't help her cause. She was yapping the whole time and taunting the other team. It was funny, but a little over the top. Erika couldn't watch. Stay turned.

Feedback From Katie Couric's Sarah Palin Interview

2008-09-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Not surprising at all that Sarah Palin's interview went over as well as a fart during Sunday mass. Even GOP observers have chimed in on how nauseated they were! Sometimes you just can't polish up a turd, no matter how hard you try. Here's some of my favorite excerpts from the article in New York Magazine.

The mood over Sarah Palin is changing. Her political naysayers used to delight in her floundering her way through interviews (okay, that one interview with Charlie Gibson). They enjoyed pointing out her lack of credentials. But her interview with Katie Couric over the past two nights has elicited a different response — like cringing. No longer is there joy in Palin's struggles. Watching her has become like watching one of those hopeless singers trying out for American Idol: First you laugh. Then you laugh some more. Maybe after that you laugh a little bit more. And as the talentless contestant soldiers on, despite the judges' derision, it hits you that this person, despite their best efforts, doesn't even realize that they don't have what it takes. And that makes you kind of sad.

Steve Benen tries to watch the interview from "the perspective of an earnest Republican observer, who cares about the country, and who takes policy issues seriously." The conclusion is that, regardless of how Palin got here, "reasonable people should agree that the Republican vice presidential nominee is way out of her depth, and has no business seeking national office."

Earnest Republican observer Ross Douthat can't link to video of the interview because it's "too painful," but seems to admit he was wrong in his earlier advocacy for Palin. Of course, it's always possible that it's all "just effing brilliant rope-a-dope for the Biden debate."

Another earnest Republican observer, Kathleen Parker, thinks that Palin has been revealed as someone "Who Is Clearly Out Of Her League." Because Palin is a woman, "we are reluctant to say what is painfully true." But it is true: "If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself."

Michael Crowley says the "real story" may be "percolating fear at McCain HQ that Palin's stock may be headed the way of Lehman Brothers." Why else did McCain do an interview with CBS on the same day as Palin unless to overshadow her?

Alex Koppelman and Mark Schone write that the interview "was memorable for how badly Palin performed." As her voice shook, Palin "was once again Miss South Carolina Teen USA."

Rod Dreher is "well and truly embarrassed" for Palin. She's "a good woman who might well be a great governor of Alaska," but this was a "train wreck."

Congrats, Mrs. Palin, you've become Sanjaya. This should end well.

Palin: The Katie Couric Interview

2008-09-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

Warning, this interview could result in a drop of your IQ points. Reader discretion is advised.

Katic Couric interviews Sarah Palin. Remember folks, these examples are all firsthand media accounts; there's no hearsay, propaganda, or venomous/anonymous YouTube clips. Ignorance is scary, incompetence is deadly.

(CBS) When CBS News anchor Katie Couric sat down for an exclusive interview with vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin Wednesday, she focused on the economy - but also addressed reports that the lobbying firm of Sen. John McCain's campaign manager received payments from the controversial mortgage giant Freddie Mac until last month. Couric asked for her reaction to that.

The second part of the exclusive interview, on foreign policy, will air on the CBS Evening News tonight. Here's a preview, where Palin talks about Afghanistan.

Sarah Palin: My understanding is that Rick Davis recused himself from the dealings of the firm. I don't know how long ago, a year or two ago that he's not benefiting from that. And you know, I was - I would hope that's not the case.

Katie Couric: But he still has a stake in the company so isn't that a conflict of interest?

Palin: Again, my understanding is that he recused himself from the dealings with Freddie and Fannie, any lobbying efforts on his part there. And I would hope that's the case because, as John McCain has been saying, and as I've on a much more local level been also rallying against is the undue influence of lobbyists in public policy decisions being made.

Next, Couric asked about the $700 billion government bailout of bad debt - and whether she supports it.

Palin: I'm all about the position that America is in and that we have to look at a $700 billion bailout. And as Sen. McCain has said unless this nearly trillion dollar bailout is what it may end up to be, unless there are amendments in Paulson's proposal, really I don't believe that Americans are going to support this and we will not support this. The interesting thing in the last couple of days that I have seen is that Americans are waiting to see what John McCain will do on this proposal. They're not waiting to see what Barack Obama is going to do. Is he going to do this and see what way the political wind's blowing? They're waiting to see if John McCain will be able to see these amendments implemented in Paulson's proposal.

Couric: Why do you say that? Why are they waiting for John McCain and not Barack Obama?

Palin: He's got the track record of the leadership qualities and the pragmatism that's needed at a crisis time like this.

Couric: But polls have shown that Sen. Obama has actually gotten a boost as a result of this latest crisis, with more people feeling that he can handle the situation better than John McCain.

Palin: I'm not looking at poll numbers. What I think Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who's more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who's actually done it?

Couric: If this doesn't pass, do you think there's a risk of another Great Depression?

Palin: Unfortunately, that is the road that America may find itself on. Not necessarily this, as it's been proposed, has to pass or we're going to find ourselves in another Great Depression. But, there has got to be action - bipartisan effort - Congress not pointing fingers at one another but finding the solution to this, taking action, and being serious about the reforms on Wall Street that are needed.

Couric: Would you support a moratorium on foreclosures to help average Americans keep their homes?

Palin: That's something that John McCain and I have both been discussing - whether that ... is part of the solution or not. You know, it's going to be a multi-faceted solution that has to be found here.

Couric: So you haven't decided whether you'll support it or not?

Palin: I have not.

Couric: What are the pros and cons of it do you think?

Palin: Oh, well, some decisions that have been made poorly should not be rewarded, of course.

Couric: By consumers, you're saying?

Palin: Consumers - and those who were predator lenders also. That's, you know, that has to be considered also. But again, it's got to be a comprehensive, long-term solution found ... for this problem that America is facing today. As I say, we are getting into crisis mode here.

Couric: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight?

Palin: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us.

Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more.

Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.

Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?

Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.

Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.

Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

Tina Fey On Sarah Palin

2008-09-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

This isn't getting old anytime soon. Palin is becoming an endless source of unintentional (and scary) comedy, so you know there's plenty more to come! The irony is that most of the stuff is unfiltered and straight from the ~~horse's~~ elephant's mouth. Need I put up the clip of her interview with Charles Gibson?

In Their Own Words: What the GOP REALLY Think Of Sarah Palin

2008-09-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

Warning: This clip may induce vomiting.

More Sarah Palin Love

2008-09-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

I used to always tease my boys Matt and Woo about their secret man-crush on Matt Damon because of their love for ~~Goodwill Hunting~~ Good Will Hunting (Thanks for the correction, Matt!), Rounders, and all things Matt Damon. But now, after watching this... it... it stirred something within me. Move over, guys, cause I feel a crush coming on. This was an incredible verbal roundhouse to the head.

'Nuff Said!

2008-09-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin one month ago on CNBC:

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

2008-09-04T18:29:00.001-07:00

Okay, not really, but it felt pretty good to be a dickhead.

Today I return from my lunch to find someone's gas-guzzling SUV in my executive parking spot, so I did what any hot-headed, vindictive American would do... I blocked their ass in. That's my BMW 7 Series below... cloaked as a '96 Accord.

The couple returned to their car but OOPS they can't get out. Better go find the renta-cop.

The renta-cop finds someone in my building to track me down to move my car, then she's off on her merry way.

But I was in no rush to move my car.

So I decided to arm wrestle Mike.

And shoot a little office hoop.

I went back to my desk to look at an email or three, then I decided I was done being a dick.

I wasn't an ass when I walked up to their car, I said "ahHA, you were the ones!". They were very apologetic so I didn't give them a hard time. They didn't see the sign that was posted because they backed in. I could have had them towed, but that would have been too quick, and I didn't want anyone to lose any of their hard-earned caysh uncessarily.. just their time, hehehe.

Birdy Flossin'

2008-08-05T22:37:00.001-07:00

This is our new baby, Quincy Love. He's 4 months old. Please, don't try this at home.

A Day At The Beach

2008-08-05T22:16:00.001-07:00

My girlfriend has been trying to get me to go to the beach the last two summers or so. According to her my people aren't fond of the beach and this is why I don't want to go. I'm not gonna subscribe to any broad generalizations but I will tell you that I really don't care for the beach all that much and when I do go I don't see many of us there. So there you have it.

After a lot of pressing by her I finally acquiesced; my one condition was we had to find a comfortable beach chair. Well, my friends, mission accomplished! I give you one of the baddest assedest beach chairs I've ever sat in, the Kelysus Convertible Canopy Chair:

I know, I know.. Bdub, where can I get one? How can I be down? Well, my friend, take your behind to your local neighborhood Targét and pick one up!

Here are some pics of it in action:

It's like a stroller for a grown ass man!! I loves it! Give me a good book and a cool breeze, and I'll sit anywhere for any period of time in that sumbitch! In fact, I think I'll go sit on the sidewalk in front of my apartment right now. Yes, I will look like a damn fool but I'll be one cold chillin'(taking you back to the 90s) fool!

Memo To Paula Deen

2008-07-31T17:41:00.000-07:00

Stop referring to the meat you're cooking as "him". The kitchen is no place for the personification of flesh. I realize it was once alive, thank you very much.

I love to cook. Currently I am "interviewing" other chefs on FoodNetwork to add to my DVR. Right now Alton Brown and Good Eats are number one. He is my lord and savior when it comes to the culinary arena. My cooking and kitchen are heavily influenced by him. Number two on the list is Everyday Italian with Giada De Laurentiis. Not only is she easy on the eyes, but she can cook like nobody's business. She's taught me that presentation is key when serving food. I've made around ten of her recipes, and tomorrow I will debut her Polenta Crusted Shrimp. So Alton and Giada are locked in for good.

I thought I needed to mix it up a little, so I started watching other shows on FoodNetwork to see what would stick. Rachel Ray used to be on the list until I figured out I was just watching her for the unintentional comedy. I'm not gonna hate on her like other people do because she not "a real chef", it was just nothing she made moved or inspired me to get in the kitchen. I just liked to watch her balance all of her ingredients in her arms while she prepped to cook and when she laughed at her own jokes. So Rachel didn't stick.

Next was Ingrid Hoffman and Simply Delicioso. Her show was about cooking with a latin flair, but there were too many hard to find ingredients, and her dishes weren't all that appetizing. The only thing I took from her show was a jalapeno avocado dip that my girlfriend is crazy for. Other than that the soundtrack to her show was very good. It was some type of afro-cuban salsa or something, but not enough to keep her on the team. Adios, Ingrid.

Ina Garten and Barefoot Contessa is in my rotation now. I'm still on the fence about her. She makes okay dishes but for the most part they seem complicated. And her Hamptons foo-fooness gets on my nerves. "Let me go out to my garden here in East Hampton, and pick some herbs from my herb garden". So the jury is still out.

That brings us to Ms. Deen. Her dishes look really good and simple and she says y'all a awful lot. In fact I may add her to my DVR list just based on that fact alone. You could have a drinking game with your friends taking a sip everytime she says y'all. She's not in my rotation yet; I'm still in the process of doing a background check. Hopefully her referring to the veal as him won't count too much against her. Stay tuned, y'all!!

Forgive Me, Father, For I Have Sinned

2008-07-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

I watched a lot of the Nascar race this past weekend; and my pops was watching with me to boot! During this sports vacuum that we're currently in, we were in search of something with competition, so I flipped the channel to ESPN for the Brickyard 400. Nascar is very palatable in HD and surround sound. Like I've said in the past, I'd watch a dog lick his balls if it were shown in HD, so I'm a bit of an HD whore/snob.

I know more about Nascar than I am willing to admit. This is mostly through osmosis from watching countless episodes of Sportcenter, PTI and listening to Jim Rome's radio show and watching Rome is Burning. Nascar drivers regularly appear on these shows, so I am always aware of the storylines and standings.

Sunday was the perfect storm of nothing to do, so me and pops toggled from Women's tennis and Nascar for the afternoon. I IM'd my boy Woo to confess my activities during the afternoon and he was less than sympathetic:

[20:00] Me: i watched Nascar today.. me and my pops...
[20:00] Me: we watched a pretty good chunk
[20:01] Me: is that rock bottom?
[20:01] Woo: nascar!
[20:01] Woo: wtf
[20:01] Woo: thats like supporting racism
[20:01] Me: hahahaha
[20:02] Me: aside from the blatant redneckery.... it's watchable sometimes....
[20:02] Me: i learned a lot from osmosis... just from watching sportscenter
[20:02] Woo: thats besides the point
[20:03] Woo: burning crosses would prolly be fun but i don't do it

As you can tell he has my back but I stand by my point; if you filter out all of the blatant redneckery, it can be somewhat entertaining. One of my favorite story lines is the non-good-ol-boys (read: blue state drivers) whooping-up on the good ol boys and their redneck fan bases (read: red state drivers and fans). That's very amusing to see.

I told one of my boys at work who is a HUGE Nascar fan. He suggested I go see it in person. Insert sound of tires coming to a screeching halt. Um, not so fast, Mikey, I'm cool watching it right where I am, but thanks. Coming up this weekend, the Pennsylvania 500 at the Poconos!! Yeeeee haaaaaaaaaw!!!

Oh, football, how I long for thee. :-(

The Dog Days Of Summer...

2008-07-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

...are in full effect. There is absolutely nothing on the tele. I suppose now would a be a good week to reintroduce myself to the gym. Hey, how are ya?! Long time no see, my friend, how ya been?!. The Bronx Flu has finally removed it's foot from my behind, so I guess now I have more time to blog and workout.

I am currently coming down from the NBA high that I was on. It's comparable to rock bottom. The conclusion of the NBA Finals was like going cold turkey.

In the midst of trying to find something constructive to do to fill the void, I decided to post about shows I am finding to watch to bridge the gap in between the NBA season and the start of the NFL Season (and the network premiere season).

The first is called The Factory on Spike. It's pretty funny. Or at least I think it's pretty funny. I don't know if it's funny because there's nothing on, or if it's funny on its own merits. It makes me laugh, so I guess that's all that matters.

It's a raunchier, guy's version of The Office. So it'll do. Check it out.

NYC - Day 7

2008-06-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: This day 7 post is being put up almost a week after it went down. My attempt to blog everyday during my vacation was successful for the most part; it was very doable early in the trip when we were on Long Island because there was so much downtime (read: zero nightlife). As the trip progressed into Manhattan our downtime significantly diminished and it became harder and harder to blog in the evenings as we were starting to burn the candle at both ends and the nights became a little longer. I banged out a couple of posts in the city in a cloud of fatigue and sometimes inebriation. I intended to blog the final two days upon my return to LA but I brought back a nasty little cold. I know things are supposed to be "harder" on the east coast... but even the damn colds??!! Jesuscristo, I am still wrestling with this mf'er that I've since dubbed The Bronx Flu (since that's where I was when I picked it up). Anyhoo, on with day 7. Enjoy!

I thought we did a lot of walking in day 5, but it was nothing compared to the ground we covered today. Since it was our last full day, we wanted to get up and out as soon as possible, so we decided to forgo breakfast and head directly down to lower Manhattan, an area of the city we hadn't covered yet. The subway let us out at our destination and we decided to walk the Brooklyn Bridge first.

We're going dooooooowntooooooooon

Ya better have a pass when you cross that bridge, welcome to Brooklyn!! Put ya lighters up!

The view of lower Manhattan

The Statue of Liberty in the background

We only ended up walking halfway across the bridge. It was time to head back to our next destination, Ground Zero. On the way there we saw this memorial:

I was fortunate enough to visit the WTC my last trip to NYC in 1998. I was only in town for a minute, but that was the must see site for me. No Empire State, no Lady Liberty, I longed only to see the twin towers. The view from the bottom:

A young Bdub looking up at the towers

The view from the top:

The view looking uptown

A young Bdub atop the observation deck of the WTC

We finally arrive at ground zero. The construction workers were oblivious to the onlookers that gathered around in silence. It's still very surreal and somber.

Whew, okay, that was chilling. Time to head uptown. We saw one more WTC memorial on Church Street our way out:

Alex was serving as our ghetto-GPS, and she instructed us to head north on Hudson St. This would take us through Tribeca back to Greenwich Village where we were on day 5. Little did we now it would feel like a 3 hour, 3 hundred mile journey. At this point we had already walked roughly 2.2 miles. Remember, we're from LA. This was, as Mike Tyson would say, Ludacrisp! Note that we had yet to eat. We wanted to dine in a cafe or restaurant. That means we had to exit the tourist areas with all the fast food dives. We wanted more local flavor. So off we go!

Someone's badass apt in Tribeca

E running on fumes. Just one more mile to go!!

Finally we reach the village, we can eat!! Our first meal comes at 3:45PM local time. Total distance walked, 4 miles. Mmmmmm, sustenance.

The Hudson Diner

4 miles was nothing, son, what?!?!

After mowing down our grub, our ghetto-GPS instructed us to take the 2-train uptown to 96th street. We were to meet her at her place of employment, head to the grocery store, then head to her and Curtis' apartment in Riverdale (da Bronx, son) for dinner and some dranks.

The view of Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, across the Hudson River

Alex and the magic bullet guacamole

Vrrooom vrrooom!!

We taste.....

Oh muh-goodness, it's so good!

Alex, E and Kani

I didn't get any pics of the spread that Alex and Curtis prepared because I was so hungry that I dropped my camera and immediately started shoving fish tacos down my throat.

After dinner and a margarita or NINE, Curtis, who's a shutterbug, brought out all his fancy flashes, camera lights, cameras. He wanted to snap some pics of his drunken house guests at play. Click on the pic to advance to the next.

After our impromptu photo shoot, we grabbed our belongings (I grabbed this nasty ass cold) and we took a taxi back to our hotel in midtown. NYC was officially a wrap!! We can't wait to go back. Until then, IT'S-UP-TO-YOU, NEW YORK, NEEEEEEEEEEEW YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NYC - Day 6

2008-06-22T09:09:00.000-07:00

After all of the ripping and running yesterday, we wanted day 6 to be a lot more chill. So we woke up and headed out for a little "breakfast".

NYC hot dogs, the breakfast of champions

After grubbing on the 'dogs, we headed up Central Park West. One of the things on my NYC to do list was to go to The Dakota, the building where John Lennon lived and was killed by punk ass Mark David Chapman. Granted, I was only 6 when it happened, but I'm a fan of all things Lennon post-Beatles. I really vibe with hippy-Lennon.

The entrance where Lennon was gunned down

Looking up at The Dakota

We continued to take in The Dakota for a few more moments as I explained the death of John Lennon to my girlfriend (who was -2 when it happened!).Then we crossed the street and headed over to Strawberry Fields, the memorial to John Lennon at Central Park.

All we are saying....

.... is give peace a chance.

Imagine all the people...

...living life in peeeeeeeace

Now it's time for a leisurely stroll through Central Park, and we couldn't have picked a better day to do so.

Statue of Daniel Webster of Webster's dictionary fame. What, no love for Merriam?

Time for a snack from the world's slowest crepe chef. Up until this point I was snagging a hot dog every other block. Not one of my best eating days in NYC.

mmmm, raspberry/gnutella

We decided to grab a bike cab (?) to take us back to Central Park South, near our hotel.

We were charged $30 for a ride that lasted less that 15 mins. Stupid tourists. Whatever.

'Twas now time to head back to our hotel to get ready for our big night on the town with my NYC peeps. The first stop, Latin Quarters in midtown.

On the way there we saw a fender-bender. I was awe-struck that there aren't more accidents on the streets of NYC since everyone is driving like a bat out of hell, so when I finally came across one, it screamed Kodak moment. It's amazing that a cab wasn't involved in this one.

The funny thing about NYC is that there are so many g'damn people and if they all waited for the weekend to go out no one would have a good time because you would just end up crowd-surfing the all night. So shit here pops off every night of the week. People were lining up outside of Latin Quarters at 6pm!! You'll never see a happy hour in LA like this. Ever.

Warming up

Once inside, it was time for the salsa king to cut loose!! OK, I'm just kidding. I'm what you call a living room salsa dancer. My game wasn't ready for the big time. Eventhough I've been professionally trained in the discipline of salsa dancing (read: a 4 week course) I wasn't ready to strut my stuff in front of all the nuyoricans. So I opted to drink and catch-up with my buddies from high school while E danced the night away with people better equipped to dance salsa in our group.

About to set it off...

My buddy Greg and his new euro-trash look

The Downey boys reunited

Zaire, E, and Greg

Gimme some sugah, Greg

The fellas

Remember that time when we were 13 and you ran the wrong way with the football??

E and Herve

We camped out at LQ's for a bit, and this it was off to The W Hotel which was right across the street.

The W Midtown

E and Curtis

We chilled there for a drinky-drink then hopped in a limo to the OTHER W Hotel in Times Square.

E and Z

Pimpin' ain't easy

The W Times Square

Gimme some sugah, Z. What can I say, I love my boys.

Great times.

Here are some more pics of day 6. Click on the pic to advance to the next.

Time to call it a night, detox, and rest up for our last day!

NYC - Day 5

2008-06-18T12:34:00.000-07:00

Today is the day E has been waiting for since we planned this trip, the Sex and the City tour!

But first things first, we had to get some breakfast. That tour is 3.5 hours, so we're gonna need our fuel.

Their turkey bacon was crapalicious!

Mmmmmm, that was below average, off to the tour!

Fellas, you may want to skip the pink zone coming up. It's all gonna be Sex and the City stuff.

The meeting place was at the Pulitzer Fountain outside of the Plaza Hotel where Carrie saw Big and Natasha after their engagement party. We were the first ones there. Once I saw all the other women come out of the woodwork, I knew we were in the right place.

We boarded the bus, and then we were off! Our tour guide Lisa introduced herself. She immediately won me over with the first few F-bombs she dropped, letting us know this was a tour for the grown-ups. Fuck yeah, Lisa!

Lisa, our tour guide

Up first the courthouse where Big and Carrie got married at the end of the movie. Something else climatic happened there I'm pretty sure, but E's out shopping right now and that's all I can remember. That's also a scene in the first Ghostbusters!:

This was the church where Samantha met the attractive priest she dubbed "Friar Fuck":

This is the dog-run where Charlotte's dog got gang-banged by the other dogs:

Next stop was The Pleasure Chest in the West Village where the SATC girls bought their sex toys and where Charlotte picked up The Rabbit:

E's getting a little too cozy with the f*** machine

No need for any of those, honey

Again, I couldn't resist

The holidays are right around the corner

I picked this up for my boy Lloyd

This is the restaurant where Carrie and Miranda ran into Aidan and Steve after their respective break-ups. To add insult to injury they were both with better looking women (in my opinion, hehehe).

This is the park where Steve was shooting hoops and Miranda came down to support him after chewing his ass out a few moments before:

We passed the furniture store that Aidan owned. The real shop owner isn't affiliated with the tour in anyway, but he seems to be a good sport about it. As soon as he saw the bus he flashed a sign that said on one side "Aidan still loves Carrie" and on the other "Big is small". We all got a kick out of it.

The restaurant where Carrie met Aidan's parent for the first time:

Tortilla Flats is the place Carrie went back to grovel at Aidan's feet after cheating on him with Big:

Okay, the next stop was Carrie's brownstone that was used in the show. It's located at 73 Perry Street in Greenwich Village (which is an AMAZING place, by the way). According to Lisa, our tour guide, the woman that owns the brownstone has become so annoyed with tourist and the SATC tour that she is now in litigation with the tourism company. So there were some ground rules we had to follow. We parked around the corner, and we were to QUIETLY walk past the brownstone. No pictures were allowed to be taken because the women video tapes people as they come through. I know, what the hell? We walked past and there is a big chain across the stair that warns against loitering and sitting on the stairs. I could have taken a pic (like I saw one other girl do) but I didn't want to be a dickhead. And for some reason I felt like a douche bag trespassing on this quiet little village street while the locals carried on about their day. You know they have to hate it, so I tried my best not to rock the boat. Our tour guide told us that whatever we do on our own time is our business, but while we were with the group the rules were to be followed. Although she kept repeating the address to us as if encouraging us to come back on our own. Here is a picture of E leaving Perry Street:

Leaving Carrie's street

We found out later that Sarah Jessica Parker lived around the corner from the where we were and she personally selected that brownstone to be on the show because she loved how the brownstones on Perry Street looked.

Greenwich Village seems to be a very controlled environment. They do a lot to set themselves apart from the rest of Manhattan. I guess that's why it's such an exclusive zip code. There are fines for horns being honked, and there are signs on all the trees saying not to let your dog piss on them. Whoa!

We thought this literally meant "no standing" but it really means you can stop in your car for any period of time.

The sign says "Please respect this tree and curb your dog". I took it while walking. I didn't want to stop for a clearer pic. I already felt like a douche bag tourist.

After the walk-by of Carrie's house we stopped at the Magnolia Bakery for cupcakes. A favorite of Carrie's on the show. E liked hers but they were to sweet and not very spongey in my opinion. So I ate half and tossed it. E looked at me like I was swearing in church or something. It was very sacrilege to her to do something like that. Whatever.

Mmmmm, yummy!!!

Mmmmm, shitty!!!

Some more pics from Greenwich Village:

Me texting Stace about the SATC tour.

The final stop on our tour was the bar that Steve and Aidan opened up. Lisa called ahead to the bar and the bartender had cosmos waiting for us, heeeeeeeeey!

Mmmmm, thuper yummy costhmos!!!

The tour dropped us off nowhere near where it picked us up from. No worries, we were up to navigating the streets of NYC back to hour hotel.

And this concludes the Sex and the City portion of the blog.

The tour conventiently let us off in front of the HBO store so we could fork over some more of our hard earned caysh for some more SATC wares. We passed.

I really wanted to see the top of the Empire State Building, so we started footing it downtown. Once we got there we waited in a line to get in. Then there was a security like like at the airport with metal detectors and whatnot. We go through there. Then there was a like to purchase tickets to the observation deck. When we finally get to the cashier I ask how long the wait is before we get to the top and she replied "45 minutes". No mf'in thank you. We do an about-face and head back out to 34th Street. I really want to see the top, but not that bad. So we headed back uptown.

Another funny factoid about NYC that I learned: You do so much walking that you pretty much always have an appetite. I love the fact that you can always eat on the go from the various street vendors. We hit about 3 or 4 hot dog stands during our trek back uptown. By the time you're ready to eat again, you've already burned off the previous snack.

After we left the Empire State Building we made our way to Time Square. This was tourist hell. It reminded me of Hollywood Blvd; dirty and packed with tourists. So we took the requisite tourist pics and looked to move the hell on.

My boy Curtis works for Conde Nast and told me if I was in the area of Time Square to call him up and he'd give us a tour. Conde Nast is a publishing company that produces magazines such as Vogue, Glamour, Vanity Fair, Allure, GQ, The New Yorker, and many many others. So I hit him up and he gave us a tour of their corporate offices.

Each floor is home to a different publication

The view from Curtis' desk. Gawd, I hate him.

Did I mention that I hate Curtis?

The Vanity Fair floor

YES WE CAN!!!!

C'mon, Vogue!!

The Glamour floor

Big ups to Curtis for that tour. Any time he wants a tour of my office overlooking, um, Oxnard Blvd. in Van Nuys, he's more than welcomed to it.

On our way out he recommended a pizza place right off of Times Square. We figured we'd stop in for a slice, but after all that damn walking we were a lot hungrier than we thought and we inhaled a entire pizza in seven minutes.

A little snack before dinner

It was finally time to get a cab back to our hotel. We could go any further on foot. We needed to get back to recharge before dinner.

Three hours had elaped and hour batteries were recharged. We headed out on foot again to BLT Steakhouse on Park Ave. and 57th. It was a lovely walk in the Manhattan evening.

I didn't take any pictures inside of the restaurant because I didn't want to look like a tourist amongst the NYC locals. I just wanted to blend in and eat dinner. I had a Rib Eye steak the size of a small farm animal and E had a nice fat filet mignon. BLT Steakhouse immediately jumped into the top 3 steakhouses I've eaten at.

After dinner we could barely walk so we hailed a cab and called it a night.

Here are all the pics from day 6. Click on the pic to advance to the next.

Whew, what a day! I'm looking forward to tomorrow. No agenda, just a nice chill day and a stroll up Central Park West and through Central Park. On to Day 6!!!

NYC - Day 4 - Manhattan

2008-06-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

Start spreading the news...
We left Long Island today...
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York!!!!

Finally after three days in ~~purgatory~~ Long Island we hit the big citay!!! We awoke this morning with much energy and vigor. We were packed, dressed and out the door before you could say fugettaboutit.

We're off to see the wizard!!!

We hopped on the Long Island Railroad. Next stop, Penn Station, bitches!!!

Waiting for that 10:45 train to Penn Station

We scheduled our trip into Manhattan after rush hour for fear of getting trampled by the locals. But even at the later time, the train was still packed, so we waited for the train and the platform to empty before we ascended up the stairs into Penn Station. We had five pieces of luggage in total, and my luggage wasn't nearly as heavy as E's. How can someone so small have so much heavy shit? Go figure.

Move, bitch, get out the way!!!

We can go up now, E

I had no idea that Penn Station what right below Madison Square Garden, so it was cool to see the basketball mecca right when we surfaced.

Madison Square Garden. Site of many a classic NBA game and a classic Jay-Z concert.

Last time I came to NYC my olfactory senses were bombarded with the smells of hot trash. That was my first impression on NYC. This time it wasn't like that. Don't get me wrong, it still kinda stank, but not that bad.

We hailed a cab and we were off to our hotel, 6 Columbus, a really really nice little boutique hotel in Columbus Circle.

In the cab on the way to 6 Columbus

6 Columbus

We had some time before check-in, so we strolled the neighborhood for a bit, and went over to Central Park.

The Time Warner Center. Condos start at $12 mil in you're interested. I feel so poor.

Central Park

Time to go

The front desk contacted me saying our room was ready, so we headed back. The room is really small but super nice. The mini-bar (which we won't be touching) had a Shag Bag. A Shag Bag! It came equipped with two jim-hats, some mints and some lube. That's right, some lube, for those gentlemen lucky enough to venture into brown-town during their say. How thoughtful!

We settled in then headed out for some lunch. Our first Manhattan meal was at Sushi Damo. It was pretty good, but not as good as the sushi I get at Sushi Dan in LA.

The Kirin Ichiban was just as good though! Mmmmmmmm, beer!

Just what the Dr. ordered

After the sushi we had time to walk off the lunch in Manhattan until happy hour:

Mickey Mantle's sports bar on Central Park South

The Mick

The Plaza Hotel, scene for two very poignant scenes from The Way We Were and Sex and the City (season 2 season finale)

The Apple Flagship Store

The gift that keeps on giving: Trump Balls

You're fired!!!!

On 5th Ave

Right before happy hour we met up with my homegirl Alex who works at the Columbia University Teacher's College.

Alex at "work"

I want answers, dammit!! I like playing pretend.

She gave us a quick tour around the campus and showed us some point of interest like:

The front steps of Columbia U. as seen in Spiderman and Hitch

The Seinfeld diner

Then we were off to Moca Bar in Harlem to meet up with my boy Curtis (her man) and my main ninja since the 7th grade, Zaire, who left LA for NYC a few years back. It was a very cool spot. Right when we walked up in the piece Mobb Deep came on. It was like they new I was coming in. It's the reeeeeeal....... hip hop hip hop. We sat around for a bit, chatted, and a drank or four. My drank for the night was the Harlem Iced Tea. That's right, Harlem Iced Tea. It sounds a lot harder than it looks. It looked really fruity. It looked very uh-Harlem Iced Tea, but it was pretty good so I aint trippin'.

Curtis, Alex and me

Curtis, E and me

Alex, me (after some sips), and E

Harlem Iced Tea

Wooo, child, it's so strong!!

Z, Alex, Curtis, E and me

Curtis and Alex

Spank me, mami!!!

After dranks it was time to get some soul food, harlem style, son, what!?! We went to Amy Ruth's. You know I had to try their version of chicken and waffles. The fried chicken was very good but the waffles were not that good at all. Score one for Roscoe's!

Not quite Roscoe's, but close.

One thing that made me chuckle was that Kool-Aid was on the menu. Oh, my peoples, why? And it's two-fitty to boot? Couldn't you buy like thirty-seven packs of kool-aid for that price? No thank you.

$2.50 for some mf'in Kool-Aid? Please.

Here are all the pics from Day 4. Click on the pic to advance to the next:

Anyhoo, Day 4 has a brotha on the ropes. Time to rest up for day 5, the Sex and the City tour!

NYC - Day 3

2008-06-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

Today was the day to take it slow and recover from last night. We were abruptly woken up this morning by the phone in our room. It was one of the bridesmaids telling us that the shuttle that was taking us to our brunch was scheduled to depart the hotel at 11:30, so we had 90 minutes to get ready. The bride later called me to say that she inadvertently planned her wedding brunch for father's day and the place we were gonna go would not be able to accommodate our party on this day. Whoooops! Understandable. The new plans were to eat at her grandmother's house in Jamaica Queens.

An interesting factoid I learned about NYC: an overcast doesn't necessarily mean cool weather. E and I looked out of our hotel window and saw the clouds and immediately thought we better bring a light sweater and long sleeves. WRONG! We get outside and it was humider than a mf'er. Yes, I know humider isn't a word but I don't know how else to describe it. Looks like my cute Sean John track jacket will have to wait for another time!

So day 3 was very chill. We ate at the bride's grandmother's house, looked at old photo albums, sipped on some adult beverages, and reminisced on the days of yore. All in all a very relaxing day.

Here are all the pics from day 3. Click on the image to advance to the next pic.

We head to Manhattan tomorrow!!! Time to rest up!

NYC - Day 2 - The Wedding

2008-06-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today we woke up really late. The red-eye was finally catching up to us. E slept like 13 hours. By the time we got dressed and left the room the continental breakfast had long since passed us by. No worries, I thought, we'll just head on over to the deli next door. Alas the deli had a sign posted in the window indicating that it was closed today for some reason. It didn't seem like a regular closure, more like something came up and they had to shut down.

So there we were, sitting in front of the hotel thinking about where to eat. As we were sitting there twiddling our thumbs another couple exits the hotel. "Where are you off to?" I inquire. "The mall." they responded.

We had time to kill before we had to get ready for the wedding so we tagged-along with them BACK to the Roosevelt-Something-Or-Other-Mall again. And you know what that meant. We'd be eating at the cursed food court! Once again I find myself swimming in the lake of fire that is food court hell. This time we chose Johnny Rockets, a place I often see but never eat at in LA. So I wolfed down my nasty-ass burger with no tomato and E had a shitty club sandwich. However bad it was it was fuel in the system and enough to hold us over until dinner tonight. Oh, Long Island, how crappy ye eateries are. How I long to feast in Manhattan. Just two more days to go until we hit the big citay.

Mmmmm, Johnny mf'in Rockets!!!!

After the mall it was time to head back to our room to get cute for the wedding. Then we headed down to the lobby to mingle with the rest of the crew until the wedding shuttle came to scoop us up to take us to our final destination, The Coral House.

Smoove B

E in the hot dress I picked out.

On the way to The Coral House

Mark and Trini

Me and Trini

Once there we were ushered into the wedding chapel for the service.

The wedding went off without incident. The standard vows and I-dos. Now it was time to hit the open bar and grub, the real reason I showed up (kidding).

The Bridesmaids

The Groomsmen

The Flower Girl

Shenik and Joe

The first stage was the cocktail reception with appetizers. There were so many appetizers that people were stuffing their faces like it was the dinner. There was roast beef sammiches, pot stickers, fish, shrimp, rice, bread, cornbread, dinner rolls, shrimp cocktail. I'm supposed to chase all that with a prime rib dinner? Sheeeit, I knew that was gonna be a tall order and it was.

I tried to have a tactical approach to the open bar. I wanted one type of drink all night because I didn't want to mix. I had to keep telling myself that moderation was key. I didn't want ghosts from open bar past haunting me. I figured I was on Long Island, so my adult beverage of choice would be the notorious Long Island Iced Tea. A drink that has caused me many a painful morning in the past.

The bartender wasn't f'ing around. As he was filling the hi-ball glass with four different types of spirits, I was wondering when he was gonna add the g'damn coke. With about a half an inch to spare he takes his eye-dropper out and drops in one drop of cola for color. I tasted this sumbitch and it was at least 150 octane. I had to get it back down to 85 octane for me to drink, so I had to mix it with two additional glasses of cola. No joke.

After the cocktail ~~feast~~ reception ended, we went upstairs for the main reception. The wedding party was introduced one couple at a time. Each couple had their own music and little choreographed dance routine to enter on. It was pretty damn cool. I damn near got out there to shake my ass as they were coming in.

Miss B groovin'

NYPD's finest shaking is groove thang

Jackie cutting it up

Cindy striking a pose

Shenik and Joe doing their thang

Once that concluded we were seated to MORE appetizers: pasta, bread, and a Caesar salad. By the time the prime rib came out I was midway through my food coma. All I could muster was two bites. It was a beautiful piece of meat too.

With all this food in our bellies, it was time to cut a rug and work it off. Here are some various shots of the reception:

Me, Kraig, Shenik and Joe

Me and YoYo stepping

Carmi and Trini

I can't help myself sometimes

Here's the slideshow for the entire day. Click on the pic to advance to the next:

On to Day 3!!!!

NYC - Day 1

2008-06-13T18:32:00.001-07:00

Our NYC trip is underway!! It started off with us taking the Van Nuys FlyAway to LAX. My mind was in such a travel-induced/Laker haze that when boarding the bus, we handed our bags to the "Skycap" (which makes no sense since we were at a shuttle loading station) and I forgot to tip him. As we were walking away he belts out "what, no tip??". Whooooops! Number one, homeboy wasn't a real Skycap, and number two, all he did was place our bags under the bus, which I could have done my-damn-self. Moving on.

We flew VirginAmerica non-stop to JFK. They're my new favorite airline to fly. From the mood lighting on the plane, to the touch screen entertainment and food ordering, to the actual power plugs for my laptop, it has everything a chickenshit like myself needs to take their mind off the actual flight.

Welcome to JFK!

After channel surfing on Dish Network, watching a Google map of our actual flight in progress, watching a couple of episodes of 24 Season 4 on my laptop, and a small nap, we arrived in NYC! Now to find out where to go from here.

Okay, where do we go from here...

The first time I came to NYC, I remember being discombobulated by their subway maps. Well, the map below is just of the AirTrain, and it still confused the shit out of me. Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I am a country-bumpkin from LA like my dad says. I like to think that I'm a fairly bright guy, but I actually had to call the help line in the AirTrain station to figure out where to go. I later found out that other LA peeps who came in after us had the same experience. So you see, I ain't that gosh-dang slow after all! Shooooot!

You are..... where?

After a nap and thorough cleansing, we headed out to explore Garden City, Long Island, which is the first leg of our NYC trip.

So fresh and so clean

Our first stop The Roosevelt-Something-Or-Other Mall. Oooooooooh!!! As soon as the cab gets here... Which took like 35 minutes. So, um... we had some time to kill.

Waiting...

It takes a brave man to post a bad pic of himself.

Waiting...

Once we got to the mall, we needed to fuel our system. The only place to eat was the godforsaken food court which I usually avoid like someone with pink eye, but I had no other choice. We opted for some teppanyaki which was almost impossible to order because I couldn't understand the lady, and to compound a confusing situation we had no order number, so it was very hard to distinguish our "plate" from the others. You can see them all lined up in a row behind me with the "what the fffwhat?" look on my face.

What did she say? Which one is ours??

After we ate, E got her nails did.

Move over, Wolverine!

I was feeling touristy, so I told E to take a picture in front of this placard. I have no idea what it said or what significance it had, it just felt like a Kodak moment.

Kodak Moment

That pretty much wraps up day 1. Pretty chill and inconsequential. Time to try to round up some booze to take the edge off and hit the sack. Off to day 2!

There Can Only Be One.....

2008-06-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

...blogging or watching the NBA Playoffs. As you can gather from the lack of blogging, I chose the latter. 40 games in 40 nights was an absolute roller coaster ride and I'm glad(ashamed?) to say that I tuned in every night. No gym, no blogging, just me and the boys from the Association.

The last 5 months I've burned really hard on bball. Just watching it non-stop and becoming too emotionally invested in the games. Blame the Western Conference for an absolutely fabulous second half of the season where all the teams were within games of each other and the movement in the standings was very fluid. A team could go to bed in 1st place and wake up in 5th.

I was pacing back and forth during games, stretching during halftime and trying to stay warm like I was actually playing. I have never been so consumed with one sport for this long before. And that was just the regular season. The playoffs kicked it up a notch (BAM!) if you can believe it. More gut-wrenching and nail-biting games. Kudos to the NBA for putting an outstanding product on the floor night-in and night-out. A shout also goes out to my girlfriend who put up with my crazy ass during this. This summer is all yours, baby!!

Since the playoffs are winding down now I will be blogging about things I've been sitting on for a while like my buddy Dan's ceiling fan going upside his head, the Donald Sutherland look-a-like, and other random shit I've kept bottled in. So stay tuned, the constipation of my mind is about to be remedied!

My Baby Girl's New Movie Trailer!

2008-05-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

The trailer for my niece's upcoming film, The Hiding.

Blue Monkey, Hollywood

2008-04-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

Me and the ladies headed out to the Blue Monkey for some dranks and some ass-shaking.

(Click on picture to advance to the next one)

You Think Telemarketers Are Bad?

2008-04-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

Try having Spanish speaking telemarketers blow up your spot. My girlfriend called her brother ONE TIME 4 MONTHS ago in Ensenada using an international calling card; they haven't stopped calling since.

At first I thought why are these mf'ers calling me?? How did they get my number. I signed the National Do Not Call Registry. Then it dawned on me... YOU DID THIS I screamed at her. YOU'RE ANSWERING THE PHONE NEXT TIME AND TELLING THEM NOT TO CALL HERE AGAIN!!! That was 2 months ago. They're still calling. Time to find the Nacionales No Requieren Registro. Son of a bitch.

My 165° On Kobe

2008-04-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a complete 180° on Kobe, so a 165° is about as far as I can go (something tells me he's still an asshole off the court, but that remains to be seen). This season I've watched him become great. It's has been, gulp, a joy to watch him play basketball.

It was during a game in Sacramento in mid-February when their fans were chanting MVP for Kobe that I knew he reached the greatness plateau. I told my girlfriend "See that, baby? He's getting road-love. These fans HATED him as recent as last year. Only Jordan used to get road-love like this".

His ascension reminds me of the last scene in The Matrix when Neo figured out he was the chosen one and it all started to make sense. Everything slowed down and he was able to dissect and obliterate his foes. That's been Kobe this season (more so after the Gasol trade).

I watched him in Utah WILL the Lakers to a win. Like Jordan, he plays better when he's pissed off. In Utah that game the fans were jawing at him and started to get under his skin. He got sooo freakin' mad that he unleashed a hellacious onslaught on the Jazz, their fans, and anyone withing a 5 mile radius of the arena. F-bombs were flying, MF-grenades were being tossed into the crowd... it was awesome. His lips could be read loud and clear: F*** THESE MF'ERS. It was a one versus 18,000 fight and he kicked all of their asses.

There was the game a couple of weeks ago when they played The Golden State Warriors - in a breath-taking home-and-home - when he got ALL UP in (his teammate) Luke Walton's ass for turning the ball over at a critical time. Luke poorly secured a rebound, and Baron Davis came by, took the ball from him and scored on the other end. Kobe was livid; HOLD ONTO THE G'DAMN BALL you could see him scream at Luke. Luke put his head down like a child who's ass just got the belt from poppa and I thought this mf'er is out of his mind.. someone better sedate him.

Even in his interviews he's been more palatable. I recently heard him say that he felt it was an honor to be in the running for NBA MVP because it shows that he took care of the one knock against him: that he didn't make his teammates better. What the hell?!?!?! That's a great answer!! I have to say I am little disappointed because I LOVE to hate Kobe.

So kudos to Kobe. He has me tuned into every Laker game no matter who they play because be conducts an absolute clinic how how basketball is supposed to be played.

The Rick James Sex Tape

2008-04-07T22:29:00.001-07:00

You heard right, The Rick James Sex Tape. Dave Chappelle must come out of retirement to address this. This is gonna be too funny for words. I cannot wait.

Marilyn Monroe's Last Sitting

2008-03-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

If you've been in a bubble the last few weeks, you may have have missed all the hubbub about Linsday Lohan's photo shoot that was an homage to Marilyn Monroe's Last Sitting. The last sitting was Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot; she was ~~murdered~~ found dead six weeks later in her Brentwood home.

All of the blogs were working themselves up in a lather because Lindsay finally revealed her cans, but no one really sourced the original photo shoot it was based on; that's what I really wanted to see. I found Marilyn's Last Sitting in it's entirety, I think. Some guy on Flickr had it up.

I looked through the pictures and I have to say it was nice to see some humanity in Marilyn. She's such a cultural icon to the point where she's mostly associated with merchandise, status, conspiracy theories and the like. You see her like you've rarely seen her; being playful, vulnerable and with a natural smile. I enjoyed seeing Marilyn the person.

Nike Instant Karma

2008-02-13T21:38:00.001-08:00

I am watching the CNBC Documentary on Nike right now and it got me thinking about a cool ass Nike commercial they had on when I was in 11th grade. And of course YouTube had it.

Fun With Webcams

2008-01-24T22:34:00.000-08:00

I may be late to the party, but if you didn't know, webcams are back! I had one back in 1999 when their quality was shitty and when broadband was somewhat scarce; but with the proliferation of high speed internet and the technology of cameras improving by leaps and bounds, it was time to jump back in the game.

Big ups to my homegirl Stace-Dog for spearheading the webcam revolution 2.0. She made me get one after telling me how clear it was when she was on with her sister in Hawaii. I then purchased a new one, and forced Wingman to get one as well -- so it's basically had a domino effect. We are all now pushing our friends and family to get into the game. So what are YOU waiting for?

I now present to you my girlfriend's nephew, Ziggy, and his first time playing with a webcam. Enjoy!

Maverick Is Officially Dead

2008-01-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

Just watched this:

And the first thing to pop into my mind is that Maverick is dead. I don't know who this person is talking to me.

When I was 12, I was at the height of my military fascination phase. I loved everything GI Joe, read books on military vehicles, started drawing military vehicles, etc, etc. Then Top Gun came out and I was blown away. I decided then and there that I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Anyway, I could sit here all night and wax poetic about my 5th grade armed forces fantasies, but the point is that I loved Maverick and I thought he was the shiznit.

Watching this video now this reaffirms what I had long suspected -- Maverick is dead. RIP Mav as you're laid down to rest next to Michael Jackson from "Thriller" (which was one surgery too far if you ask me. He shoulda stayed with his "Off The Wall" look.)

It's Not About The Shoes

2008-01-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

I can't seem to get enough of this commercial right now. For those of you scoring at home the athletes in the commercial are(in order of appearance): Ray Allen, Derek Jeter, Chris Paul, Terrell Owens, Andre Ward(never heard of him, some boxer), Richard Hamilton, Joe Johnson, Marvin Harrison, Carmelo Anthony, and a young MJ. So what I had a little free time this evening...bite me.

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE SHOES. BECOME LEGENDARY*

*It will NEVER be about the shoes for $150 a pair.

Mammoth

2008-01-14T13:32:00.001-08:00

My peoples have been trying to get me to snowboard for years, and this winter I finally grew a pair and joined them. Being cheap, lazy, and fearful of the cold were no longer excuses.

My cocky side was telling me I'd be up on that board in no time. After day one Old Man Mammoth had his way with me, but I bounced back on the second day and held my own. By holding my own I mean I could go fast down hill, with no control, and could come to a stop most of the time without eating it. Although on my last run of the weekend Old Man Mammoth reminded me that I ain't shit and knocked me around a couple of times for good measure. Hopefully I can get back up there this winter. Great times. Not including all the little toddlers whizzing past me on their skis and snowboards. Little bastards.

Here's a vid of my girlfriend on her snowboard. Props to me for being able to film this whilst going down the hill on my board too.

And here's the requisite slideshow:

Captive Audience?

2007-12-27T19:27:00.000-08:00

I just received my new MasterCard in the mail today, so I decided to call to have it activated. I call the number, enter the card number... wait... wait... Listen to a 3 minute commercial on ways to use my credit card... wait wait.... Was prompted to change my pin... wait... wait....Then I was auto-transferred to an operator... I'm not sure if she asked me to say my card number again, but let's go on and assume the heffa asked me again... Then she gets this sense of urgency in her voice.... hold on ssssirrrrrr, I need to pull thissssssss up for yooooooooou... Then I'm like "shit, what now... is something wrong with my account....?" She get's back on the line:

Heffa: Did you know you can have <insert credit card company bullshit here> for only $X.XX a month?

Me (puzzled): I-i-i-i-i-is my credit card activated yet?

Heffa (completely disregarding my question): Yes, but all I am saying is that for $X.XX a month, you can have <insert credit card company bullshit here>.

Me: But is my credit card active yet?!?!?!?! (In retrospect I should have gone Samuel L. on her ass. IS MAH MUTHAFUCKING CREDIT CARD ACTIVE YET??? SAY WHAT AGAIN!!!!

Auto-Attendant: Thank you for activating your card. Goodbye!

Elapsed Time: 5 minutes or so.

Worst. Vendor Gift. Ever.

2007-12-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

That, my friends, is Tank Stickman. He's the new marketing mascot for a company I work with, and what you see above is what they sent me for being such a loyal customer. It's a dry-erase board with the body of Tank Stickman holding a blank sign. As you can see I drew on a face and appropriate message.

My buddy at work received and AMAZING goody basket from one of his vendors.. for the 3rd year in a row, no less. I get Tank Stickman. If I told you how much our monthly invoices are from this company, you'd agree that they could ATLEAST send something edible. I'd settle for a g'damn fruitcake!

Last year they sent me a mini-shopping cart with a pad of post-it notes. And I think we were spending less then. Hmmmmm.

Reason # 439 Why I Would Never Fly ATA Airlines

2007-12-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but whenever I am shopping for airfare and the lowest fare comes back ATA Airlines, I keeps it moving. Am I alone? Doesn't that just sound like a bootleg 4th-tier airline? Well, after reading about the plane that had to return to LAX because smoke in the cockpit, it's safe to say that I'll never step foot in that terminal.

My First Blog

2007-12-12T19:31:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I kept a journal. I would occasionally write in it when moved to do so. You know, exactly like this blog. It was sporadic and it could be about any ol' random thing that was on my mind; usually about the goings on of elementary school. This particular entry, dated March 14, 1984, is partially about a girl(no surprise to my girlfriend today). Even at nine I was honing my pimping skillz. We lived in Norwalk, CA and the LA Summer Olympics were right around the corner. Remember when the Olympics mattered?

I used to write in a Peanuts journal book from 1976 that my used to belong to my older sister. My hand-writing was a lot better when I was nine than it is today. I was planning to write a blog about the deterioration of my hand-writing but Mark Cuban beat me to the punch. That's what happens when you procrastinate.

The transcription of the journal entry, including all grammatical and spelling errors, is below the image . Enjoy!

3-14-84

Today at school it was a usual day. At reading we had to work and correct our skillpack. A couple of months ago that when Faviola had moved I found out that Lydia and Faviola were cousins. In January Juan and I went to Golf "n" Stuff. I spent five dollars there. We went on Little Indy. I started my car before Juan. Juan past me up by a mile. This kid wouldn't let me pass him. His car was blowing exast in my face. I finally past him up. I past him up by a mile. The day before yesterday we got a new kid in our class. His name is Jim Peters. He is a fast runner. In basketball he goes crazy. I like Gabby Cisneros. But I think she likes Lawrence. I am jelous. Ever school day I try to look my best for her. Today Mr. Land gave our class a treasure map. You had to follow directions. Amy Rains

continued on the next page

got the solution. I got another one and took it home. Then I done it right.

A Word of Advice For Mike Vick

2007-12-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

Mike Vick was sentenced yesterday. Cameras weren't allowed in the courtroom, so we had to resort to the always entertaining courtroom artists rendition:

What in the name of turn-of-the-century-oppression do they have this brotha wearing?? A chain-gang suit??!! Are you kidding me?? Am I watching Blazing Saddles??

Who knew that shit was still in style? That is some crazy shit right there. Although I shouldn't be surprised, it is Virgina. Isn't their state motto: "Virginia is for Plantation Owners!"?

Remember, this is the same state that tried to lock up Allen Iverson back when he was in high school in 1993:

COURT OF APPEALS OF VIRGINIA

Present: Judges Baker, Benton and Bray
Argued at Norfolk, Virginia

ALLEN IVERSON
MEMORANDUM OPINION BY
v. Record No. 1825-93-1 JUDGE JAMES W. BENTON, JR.
JUNE 20, 1995
COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA

FROM THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE CITY OF HAMPTON
Nelson T. Overton, Judge

Lisa P. O'Donnell; Thomas B. Shuttleworth
(Lawrence H. Woodward, Jr.; Shuttleworth,
Ruloff, Giordano & Kahle, P.C., on brief),
for appellant.

Robert H. Anderson, III, Assistant Attorney
General (James S. Gilmore, III, Attorney
General, on brief), for appellee.

Allen Iverson was convicted in a bench trial for three
violations of Code 18.2-41 for being a member of a mob that
injured with the intent to maim Lori K. Clark, Barbara M. Steele,
and Steven W. Forrest. On this appeal, he contends that the
Commonwealth failed to prove that a mob, as statutorily defined,
had formed and, even if a mob had formed, that he was a member of
that mob. For the reasons that follow, we reverse the
convictions.
The evidence proved that at 11:30 p.m. on February 13, 1993,
Iverson arrived at Circle Lanes Bowling Alley and began bowling
with five of his high school friends. They bowled in lanes nine
and ten. The bowling alley was very busy and crowded that
evening.
At midnight, Iverson went to the snack bar. Near the snack
bar, a group from Poquoson, Virginia was bowling. The bowlers
from Poquoson had arrived at 7:30 p.m. and were bowling on two
lanes, including lane thirty. This group included Steven
Forrest, Lori Clark, and six other persons. As Iverson stood
nearby, the Poquoson bowlers, with the exception of one who was
bowling, were sitting at a table in front of the snack bar
drinking beer.
Forrest testified that Iverson approached their table
cursing at them without cause. He testified that when he stood
up to tell Iverson that "we don't have a problem" someone other
than Iverson hit him on the back of the head. Forrest said that
when he turned to see who hit him, he saw approximately twenty-
five males coming from the other end of the bowling area. He
said that some of them were throwing punches and throwing chairs
at him and his friends. Forrest testified that he also threw
chairs during the brawl. He further testified that Iverson did
not hit him and that he did not see Iverson hit anyone.
Lori Clark testified that Iverson was walking around near
her table cursing at everyone. When Forrest stood up and was
hit, a fight began. During the brawl she received a broken thumb
from a chair. She also received a contusion to her head. She,
too, threw a chair but testified that it did not hit anyone. By
her account, forty to fifty people were involved in the brawl,
including people who came from outside the bowling alley.

Good thing then Governor Douglas Wilder came to the conclusion that Iverson had been tried and treated unfairly, granted him clemency and got him out of the joint.

So my advice for young, Michael: If you want to act up and act ig'nint with your boys, for Christ's sakes do it in a blue state. At the very LEAST make sure your black ass is above the Mason-Dixon line.

Fantasy *ucking Football

2007-11-21T16:48:00.000-08:00

For the 95% of the tens of my readers that don't follow sports, allow me this rant.

I'm having a horrible year in fantasy football. I just posted a heart-felt rant on my league's message board. I thought it would make good blog-fodder, so here it is:

When I was coach of "The Duece Droppers", that team was terrible on paper and I expected them to lose every week. It didn't hurt that much. The $65 was a forgone conclusion and I had come to terms with it in probably the second week of that season.

This team here? The year I change my draft style to a more conventional draft style (RBs in the early rounds) I get screwed. I was happy with my draft. I was happy with them on paper. Every week I am optimistic. Every week they let me down. This has been my most underachieving team by far. This is a far more worse experience than when I was coaching the last place Deuce Droppers of 20XX(04?).

My RBs cannot get into the end zone the for shit. Carson Palmer has a QB rating of negative Pi. My WRs are feast or famine; they show no consistency whatsoever.

So the white flag is waiving. I will no longer be optimistic. I just need to know which one of you ass-clowns to make the check out to.

Here's the team in question:

My Girlfriend's Brother's Commercial...

2007-11-08T21:46:00.000-08:00

He's the last guy dancing, wearing the hat, holding the Samsung Juke up to the screen:

We saw it during Bones.. and it was in HD to boot.

It's time for my baby girl to step her game up!! IT'S GO TIME!!!

Apparently Scott Baio Is Still Relevant

2007-11-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

Don't get it twisted, just because someone hands you a reality show on VH1 does not make you relevant again. It makes you a train-wreck.

Last Thursday night (in the spirit of spontaneity) me and my boy FernDog decided to hit the batting cages for a couple of hours. Upon arriving at Castle Park in Sherman Oaks we see what looks to be a pretty good sized film/tv crew set-up around the cages.

We exit Fern's ride to make our way over to the entrance when we were stopped by some Production Assistant scrub.

PA Scrub: Dude, you guys can't go to the cages tonight.
Fernando: Uh.. why not?
PA Scrub: We're filming Season 2 of Scott Baio's reality show.
Me: Chachi???

That's right, we were turned around by Chachi's reality show crew.

I usually don't tip over things like this; living in LA you're bound to come across a movie/tv crew sooner or later holding down some part of town... but, Chachi? Chachi? I couldn't swing in the cages because of Chachi? Are you freaking kidding me?

And I thought reality TV was supposed to be a small production; a crew of no more than maybe 5 people following some H-lister around. This mf'er had a crew of at least 40 people watching him take his swings in the cages. Chachi?

Hey Boston, Where Are All The Black People?

2007-10-21T22:47:00.000-07:00

My new pastime while watching sports in HD is watching the crowd. I suppose there's something voyeuristic seeing as you can pretty much stare at someone in such detail without them knowing; who is that person talking to?, ew that dude just picked his nose, wow, that hairstyle is back in fashion?, and so on and so forth.

I've been watching a lot more baseball since the playoffs started, and I've noticed a disturbing trend with the Boston fans: the lack of pigmented people in the stands. Boston's less than stellar race relations are well documented, but come on, give me ONE person of color.

Oh, snap!! Never mind, I found one!!!!

Hey, my man, did you lose a bet or something? Don't sweat it, it'll be over soon.

Licensing Gone Too Far

2007-10-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

I was in 7-11 today and saw this:

Are you kidding me? I'm supposed ram this greasy sponge down my throat to support my team? No thanks. I'm good with the hat, jersey, and t-shirt. I wonder how many dumb ass Raider fans have bought one. Show of hands....

Speaking of Raider fans, thanks to you ass clowns the game of the day this Sunday (Patriots v. Cowboys) will not be televised in order to show Raiders v. Chargers. You all really need to let go. Really, it's time.

And a quick shout out to the management team of my apartment complex for not letting me put up a dish so I could get NFL Sunday ticket. Thanks guys!

Breakfast Of Champions

2007-09-30T12:45:00.000-07:00

We went to Roscoe's this morning and I heard words upon entering that I've never heard
before: "Welcome to Roscoe's, come on in and have a seat".

Roscoe's was notorious for their wait time. In years past on a Sunday morning you'd be waiting 35-40 minutes outside. They've finally expanded the Hollywood location to accommodate (from the looks of it) at least 70% more diners from before. This is great news!

It was surreal to show up and get a table right away. It made the food taste that much better. They're about 6 years too late on this build-out, but better late than never I suppose.

SWEEP THE LEG!!!

2007-09-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

We went to the Feast of San Gennaro today. It kinda sucked. I expected lots and lots of good Italian eats, but it just ended up being what amounted to Italian fast food; pizza, pasta, sandwiches, desserts. I expected Italian cuisine; there wasn't a garlic clove, sun-dried tomato, fresh basil, or tiramisu to be seen for miles. It was like Sbarro's catered the event.

Although there was a minor celebrity sighting... the Cobra Kai sinsei from Karate Kid!!!

I have no idea what this cat's name is, but he was cool enough to let us take a pic. That made the $5 admission worthwhile.

Lunch In The 818

2007-09-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

For the five or six of you that didn't know, the majority of all domestic porn comes from the San Fernando Valley; it's the porn capital of the world. And since I work and live in said porn capital, I have crossed paths with "the industry" on numerous occasions. For instance, take today's lunch.

Me and my cohorts were dining on Ventura Blvd. when in the distance we see what looked like a small camera crew and what appeared to be two "actors".

The guy looked very familiar. We all recognized him as "that guy" from various pornos, but two of my buddies put a name to the ~~schlong~~ face: Evan Stone. Ha! Only in LA.

Apparently they were filming at this venue:

That's right. PINK CHEEKS. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry apropos.

So homeslice saw us looking and laughing and he came over to say what's up to us.

To further illustrate that this isn't an isolated incident, here's a pic from a lunch a few weeks back.

If you can't tell from the photo, it's an "industry" girl strolling past us at lunch with her double-Gs flying out of her top on a random Wednesday afternoon. Only in LA. And no, honey, I didn't take that picture, Mike did.

Hello High Cholesterol!

2007-09-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

This was my lunch today:

No, I didn't lose a bet. This monstrosity is called the DUI. It's available at Jim's Burger in the City of Commerce. Whenever I work down at Commerce I always find myself struggling to find a fairly healthy place to eat lunch. Healthy eats are few and far between in this area. Normally I would have avoided this place, but since I have lost a few pounds in the last month, I figure this wouldn't hurt.

The DUI consists of fries, chili, cheese, carne asada, AND pastrami. I probably should have had them sprinkle some broccoli florettes on top. I could feel my heartbeat slowing with every bite. Will I eat this again? Nope. It was tasty and all, but I can't subject my temple to this again. I need a tongue scraper, STAT! Now if you'll excuse me, Mother Nature is knocking.... actually she's about to kick the door in.

Repenting For My Football Sins

2007-09-17T21:39:00.000-07:00

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I watched football all day Saturday, and most of the Sunday night game...

So in order to make it right with my girlfriend, I agreed to watch the Emmy ~~pre-game~~ red carpet show, and the Emmy awards show. She wanted to play a little game during the red carpet show; we were gonna rate the dresses together. I obliged like a good soldier.

We were on the same page the first few outfits, laughing, and being catty and whatnot, then I started to take some heat. I was allegedly giving thumbs-up to some tacky dresses and thumbs-down to the nice dresses. I was accused of being swayed by cleavage and beauty when the rules she laid-out EXPLICITLY said to judge on attire alone. I told her "honey, you just don't respect my opinion. It's okay that we have differing opinions." She replied with a "booooooooooooooooooooooolshit!!!". I stand by my story.

This went on for another 90 minutes or so, and every time my thumb went up and hers was down I was peppered with "B!!! That dress is HORRIBLE!!! You just like it because her breasts hanging out!!!". I'm sorry, I thought Vanessa Williams looked lovely in her lime green feathered ensemble. So when J. Love Hewitt came on the screen, I involuntary uttered "what happened to her breasts?" followed by a quick thumbs-down. That's just circumstantial evidence as far as I am concerned. Her dress was horrible.

There's only one person to blame for me being in the pickle that I was in: Me!!! You see, earlier in the summer I bought my woman the Sex and the City box set. All six season spread across twenty-some-odd DVDs. I gave it to her in July. Big mistake. My boy Woo was over during NFL kickoff weekend last weekend and he overheard my girl saying that she was on the last DVD of the box set. He looks at me and says "dude, you shoulda waited til football season to give her that". DOH!!! Why didn't I think of that?

There you have a textbook example of a great idea poorly executed. I can't wait to see what else I am in for during those non-football viewing hours.

Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How!!!!

2007-09-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

I've been on a new diet since last month. It's called the Dad-In-The-Hospital Diet. Here's how it works: Your dad gets sick and then there's an onset of anxiety. And as he's recovering, there's is a ton of hospital food for you to avoid while you're keeping him company. You don't have time to shop or eat as your tending to your dad until he gets better. Then the next thing you know, you've dropped 15 pounds and your jeans are falling of your ass!

On a serious note, he's feeling a lot better and will be out soon. So I now I am back to my sporadic blogging. So you, the tens of my readers, can now exhale.

One more thing:

DON'T FUCK AROUND WITH DIABETES!! GET CHECKED OUT!! STOP EATING CRAP!!!

Good day!

Jorts!

2007-07-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently I wear jorts. What are jorts you ask? Jean shorts.

I didn't know I was an offender until a warm day in Venice about two months ago. I was with some of my friends at a sidewalk sale, and my buddy made a snarky in passing to someone about my jean shorts being out of style. "They're out of style?" I asked, "Yes" replied my snarky homeboy.

The rest of the afternoon I was very self-conscious about my jorts, and the constant ribbing from my friends didn't help. When did they go out of style? Why wasn't I informed? When did the memo go out? These were all questions swirling around my mind.

I was told that they went out of style a few years back in favor of cargo shorts. Oh really??!! I defended my jorts stating the trend they were talking about didn't apply to brothas. We kinda do our own thang and have our own style (see not wearing tight ass jeans that are allegedly in style).

What made this even more hysterical was that we found out about the word jorts on accident. There was an email-string going around with my boys, and one of them remarked about something looking good with my jorts. I was confused. I didn't know if that was a typo or a real word. So I did what comes naturally.. I Google'd it. My buddy that threw it out in the email had no idea it was a word either. It was a tongue-in-cheek improvisation on his part.

So we both Google'd it and came upon this gem of a site: www.jorts.com. And to throw another comical log on the fire, Urban Dictionary defines jorts as:

Jean shorts. Worn mostly by children and douchebags. Jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like. If you wear jorts, you probably don't talk to girls. The term "jorts" does not apply to jean shorts worn by black people, as those are entirely acceptable.

Ha!! Read that last part again:

The term "jorts" does not apply to jean shorts worn by black people, as those are entirely acceptable.

I knew it! So, hey, both parties were right. They won't bust my balls anymore cause I have jort-immunity and I bought myself some fancy ass cargo shorts to boot. Winners all around!!

Why Is The Wheel Of Fortune In HD?

2007-07-23T19:55:00.001-07:00

Why in the world is the Wheel Of Fortune being broadcast in HD? How are they enhancing my viewing experience with this otherwise bland and tasteless show? Why is this technology being applied for this waste of pixels and we still have NFL games on CBS not being broadcast in full HD? And no FX HD? And The CW HD (yes, I watch Everybody Hates Chris!)? And Comedy Central HD? Is it so I can see the letters more clearly? So I can see the retired school teacher from Sheboygan, Wisconsin more clearly? So I can see Vanna White and Pat Sajack (who look the EXACT same as they did when I was in 7th grade!) more clearly?? This is an outrage!!! I am outraged, I tell you!

Fun Times - Flying A Red-Eye On Standby

2007-07-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone should try it!

All in all, it wasn't that bad. It's just the anxiety and the uncertainty that's uncomfortable.

Me and my girl were able to jump on a bird heading to Ohio at 10:45PM. She's scared to fly. She was doing fine when we were in coach, because she was right beside me... until the flight attendant tells us there are two seats in first class that were available. But they weren't together.

Flight Attendant: Sir, there are to seats in first class that are available.. but they're not togeth..

Me: YES!

I was one row in front of her, in the opposite aisle. I was still able to stretch out and hold her hand when I needed to. Did I feel bad? A little, but it's first-mfin-class!!! And I am 6' 3"!!! It was very comfy. I don't know how those poor people in coach do it, ha!

So after flying all night, and sleeping half the day, I don't know up from down and left from right.

Pointless Epiphany

2007-07-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

So I was watching CNN Showbiz Tonight with my girlfriend, and was wondering why I wasn't sick of it. She usually watches E! News and I'm usually barking at her to change it because it's kinda annoying and they're not talking about anything. Entertainment news is one of my pet peeves. I just can't watch it. E!, Insider, ET, etc. I just can't stomach seeing it on me tele , even though I read that shit when it's on a blog. Go figure.

Twenty minutes into CNN Showbiz Tonight I think "why am I watching this booooooool?". Then I figure it out... The graphical format in which CNN Showbiz Tonight presents this garbage is the same way CNN delivers conventional news. The color schemes, the news sticker along the bottom, and the over all look and feel are similar to a regular news program on CNN. Subconsciously I think I 'm watching news, but in reality I'm being spoon fed bullshit. Albeit it's sugar-coated, it's bullshit nonetheless.

So there you have it. If two spastic idiots on E! are slinging this crap my way, I'm not buying it, but if two halfway intelligent people are calmly talking bullshit in a conventional news environment, then it's A-OK with me!

My Niece The Super-Starrah!!!

2007-07-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

This is my niece's second or third commercial, but it's the first one I've seen, and the one that's been in the heaviest rotation.

Apparently, according to my sister, everyone and their momma has seen it on Nickelodeon and The Disney Channel. I've recorded three-hour blocks of Nic and Disney and it I still couldn't find it.

She called me this morning to tell me that it's on the Popsicle website, so I ripped it from there for the viewing pleasure of my tens of readers (And I wanna show off like a proud uncle too!). And to answer your question, yes, she gets all the good looks and talent from me. You may not believe it, but she does, ha! Enjoy the show!

Bdub's In-Depth iPhone Review

2007-07-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

$400 - $600 (I'm guessin') for an unsubsidized phone and you want me to sign a two-year deal, and subject me to other service charges?? UFKC THAT!!! No thank you, Mr. Jobs.

If your cranium hasn't been lodged in your buttocks, you know all about the iPhone hype. The buzz started a few months ago after the first commercials aired. Then all my mac-boys one after the other asked me if I saw ~~the second coming of Christ~~ the new Apple iPhone. My early thoughts were that it was integration-gone-too-far. And it cost too damn much. I was cool with my Moto Q and my iPod.

Well June 29, 2007 has come and gone, and I've yet to see the four horsemen of the apocalypse. But I did get to touch ~~the holy child~~ the iPhone. And I have to say, GAWD DAYAM. It was really really really nice. Slim, durable, slick as a mf'er. I was very very very impressed. It was as if someone had just unsheathed their 19-inch penis. That's how I felt. That being said, I still won't buy one.

Mac people are cultish. Their behavior with respect to Apple is akin to cigarette smokers, if you will. Apple (Big Tobacco) can and will charge any price. The Mac folks will always line up with fists full o' caysh. It's an inelastic demand curve (if my Econ 1oo memory serves me correctly).

But who the hell am I to judge? We all have our retail demons. Seeing the joy of iPhone owners puts a smile on my face. They are like new parents coming out of the maternity ward. I'd like to say congratulations to all the proud new mothers and fathers out there!

Where Have All The Female MCs Gone??

2007-06-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching a video from somebody called Lil Mama. The song was called "Lip Gloss". It was horrible, of course, but she had a tight little flow (if that makes sense). There was a break in a song where she flowed without a beat and she showed some impressive lyrical skills. So I got to thinkin'... what in the hell happened to all of the female MCs??

Think about it. How many female MCs can you name? Missy, Lil Kim, Foxy Brown, Da Brat (although her foray into reality TV counts against her), Eve, Jackie-O, Trina ... and that's it!!! The Lady of Rage.. okay, there's another one.. Okay, there are more than I initially thought. But the quantity of them is down and the quality of their rhymes are down too.

When I was in high school (and years prior) there was MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Monie Love, Antoinette, Isis, Left Eye, BWP, Boss, Heather B (real world NYC 1 alum), Oaktown's 357, Roxanne Shonte, The Real Roxanne, Nicki D, Sister Souljah (remember her from her beef with Bill Clinton.. am I dating myself?), Body and Soul, and Yo-Yo (I'm not a ho, no!). I could keep going on.

But you see what I'm getting at? 15 Years ago (again, dating myself) there was a higher quantity and quality of female MCs. Has hip hop pigeon-holed and marginalized women to the point that their only role is to be ass-shaking video vixens? (whoa, that was a Carrie Bradshaw moment!) I think that's happened because the females rappers that come on the scene now are just dolled-up sex pots, and they ain't rappin about a damn thang. Damn.. I miss you Lauryn Hill.

Beyonced Out!!!!!

2007-06-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

There was once a time when I was attracted to Beyonce. Back when she was just the lead singer of Destiny's Child. The allure was in her beauty and her anonymity. She was so mysterious. The chatter amongst me and my boys was "eh, man, you see o'girl from Destiny's Child?? She's fine!!" This was pre-Jay-Z, circa-No No No No No.

Then we started to hear rumblings of her name... Was it Bince? Binonce? Beyoonce? We didn't know, we just knew she was bangin'. I remember when the "Say My Name" video came on. I was locked into the TV, losing myself for four and a half minutes.

When the inevitable breakaway from the lesser talented/arousing/marketable group members happened, I was still on board the Beyonce train. Next stop: Crazy In Love. Finally, I could put a name and a face to this beauty. That video stayed in my rotation for months. But that's where the love affair ended.

Her subsequent ascension to Beyonce the brand killed it for me. She started to appear in movies, commercials, billboards, and in corny songs in heavy rotation on the radio. I could not get away from her. It's driven me to a level of Beyonce repulsion that I wouldn't have dared thought about a couple of years back. Evidently, I am not alone. My homegirl sent me this link last week while this blog was already in production.

Beyonce, I beg of you on bended knee, please go a way for a month or twenty for the sake of your appeal and attraction. What's next, Beyonce the video game? Just exit my consciousness long enough so I'll forget your name and how to spell it. And take 50 Cent and Akon with you!

A Life Better Than Hef's?

2007-05-22T18:22:00.000-07:00

The gentleman pictured above is Keith Hefner. The name may not ring a bell, but the last name as hell does. He's the brother of Hugh Hefner. The only reason I know who he is is because he makes an occasional cameo on The Girls Next Door.

Why am I watching The Girls Next Door you ask? Well about a year ago I caught the marathon with my girlfriend who kinda-sorta liked it. I thought it was initially amusing, so I jumped on board. I have since then booted it from my DVR's season pass list. It started to become repetitive and nonsensical. Not that I was looking for intellectual stimulation from this program, but it served it's purpose. True be told I cannot stand that heffa Holly for the life of me. But that's a whole 'nother blog, and it's neither here nor there.

Back to Keith. When I was started watching this show I was in awe on how amazing Hef's life must've been. The ideal Playboy lifestyle. The jet setting, the wild nights, the debauchery and whatnot. Then Keith came into the picture.

He would just kinda pop-in when all the big parties were going down, and when they would travel. And at every photo op, he'd subtly slide into the frame to have himself photographed with all the ladies. His claim to fame was coming up with "the bunny dip". It's something that the bunnies would do at the old Playboy clubs back in the day. When the bunny would serve drinks, instead of kneeling forward like a normal waitress, they would have to do this unnatural back bend of sorts and present the drinks and fare on a tray. Thanks, Keith!

Other than that, that is the only contribution I saw from this individual. This is all speculation of course, but imagine? You're Keith Hefner. Your brother is editor-in-chief for the top men's magazine in the world. He's doing all the heavy lifting! All you have to do is catch the residual punani that lands in your lap. Hef is the man, but Keith is iconic to me.

You've GOT TO Be Shitting Me!!!!

2007-04-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

First Uncle Sam bends me over and has his way with me, but now I get THIS!!!!

Oh HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO!!! Un-mf'in-believable!!!

First he rapes me for my caysh, now I may have to pay a penalty to boot because they can't accommodate the heavy traffic??!!??!! FUCK YOU, SAM!!! AND FUCK YOU TOO, TURBO TAX!!!

I've Been To The Middle Of Nowhere...

2007-03-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

...and it's called Pinehurst, North Carolina.

The business-trip-from-hell has concluded. I have returned safely from North Cackalacka.

In a nutshell, this business trip had a lot more "trip" in it than "business". Early flights, time changes, sitting in airports, cancelled flights, additional nights, rerouted flights. 4600 total miles covered over 4 days with about a day and a half (8 hours) of actual content. Fan-fucking-tabulous times. Time for show-and-tell:

The perfect way to welcome a black man to North Carolina! I'm starting to feel the pains of my ancestors on my back.

The road passing through the Middle of Nowhere.

Look at all the pretty trees. Trees in North Carolina make me nervous.

Now entering Jesus-country, Darkie. There were a ton of crosses nailed to trees with scripture written on them on the road to The Middle of Nowhere.

Oooh, look! A Carl's Jr. Wait... Hardee's? What the fwhat is a Hardee's? For some reason east of the Mississippi Carl's Jr. is marketed as Hardee's. I never got this. Does Carl's Jr. sound too effnic?

It gets so hot/humid in North Carolina that some of the houses have ceiling fans on their porches. Mmmmm, you gotta love the south!!!

Our destination: Pinehurst Country Club.

Most golf fans, like myself, are familiar with this place since the 1999 and 2005 US Opens were held here. So I guess that was kinda cool.

I didn't really care for the hotel. It seemed very antiquated. A good hotel to me has a casino, a lounge and buffet in it.

Long creeky wooden hallways. Like something out of The Shining. I half-expected Jack Nicholson to breakthrough my room door with an axe.

A nice shot of the fireplace in the lobby.

The Schmoozefest. I mean the networking-cocktail party.

There was a lot of history on display, which I fully couldn't appreciate with the lingering stench of segregation and oppression in the air. Just looking at some of the country club pics from the turn of the century and on was a painful trip down memory lane.

The MAN who kicked those doors down and hasn't looked back since.

The "business" part of the trip.

I'll spare you the details of the airport ordeal. That's a whole'nother blog.

The Sobriety Checkpoint

2007-03-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

How do you make a grown-ass man shit his drawls? Tell him there's a sobriety checkpoint 100 feet ahead. That's what happened to me two saturday nights ago in Irvine.

I was strangely prophetic because when I initially responded to the Evite earlier that week, I replied "partying in the OC, I'm scurred". Well, I nailed that one.

We left the murder mystery dinner (highly overrated by the way) around 9:30-ish, and were headed to another spot when out of nowhere I saw a sign up ahead notifying me of the upcoming sobriety checkpoint. Immediately my stomach dropped and I started thinking about how many drinks I had that evening. Three cognacs over four hours to be exact.

We drove up to the first officer who makes some sort of snap-judgment and then tells you whether or not you have to go through the checkpoint. They let the first two cars in our party bypass the checkpoint, and you just knew when he got to my black ass he wasn't letting me pass.

So as I was waiting in the queue with the rest of the unfortunate sons of bitches, my mind was racing. What do I say? Do I chew gum? How's my posture? My girlfriend started to get a little agitated because she was thinking they chose me because of my chocolate-face... and the fact that the other two cars behind us in our party were allowed to pass though without incident.

I usually try to think objectively before I play the race card because I know it's a disservice to those who are actually going through some shit if I play it and there is no actual racism. Make sense? If anything I was confused because after all, I was in Irvine. Not exactly the bastion diversity. Pretty much everyone in the SOL line was white. So that through me for a loop. But they managed to single-out my black ass.. hmmmmm.

We approached the lady-cop and I put on my best Bryant Gumbel:

Me: How we doing this evening?

The Fuzz: Just fine, sir. Where are you coming from?

Me: A midder murstery dinner.... I mean a murder mystery dinner (as I shat on myself).

The Fuzz: How was it?

Me: Overrated.

The Fuzz: How many drinks have you had?

Me: Just one (lying through my teeth).

The Fuzz: Can you do me a favor and remove your glasses for me? I want you to follow my finger without moving your head.

Me: Mmmkay.

My Eyes: Left, Right, Right, QUICK LEFT, Right, Center, Left, QUICK RIGHT (as crap slowly fills up my boxer briefs)

The Fuzz: Ok, I'm gonna let you go THIS TIME, Sir.

Next Scene: Me getting the FUCK outta Dodge.

It didn't dawn on me until after this incident that it was St. Patricks Day. So I GUESS I can see why they were out there.

But did it take the whole g'damn Irvine PD on a inconspicuous stretch of road?

And why me? I guess they got the memo about how black-irish love to party down in the OC for St. Patty's Day.

Gawd, I hate cops sometimes. And don't give the all cops aren't bad argument. If they can profile and generalize me based on the small sample set they deal with, why can't I do the same? I didn't run into many nice cops in that segregated shit-hole I grew up in called Downey. And since then? They've been few and far between.

Stop the presses!!!

2007-03-14T12:47:00.001-07:00

Mr. Whole Foods/Wild Oats is having Carl's Jr. for lunch!

NBA.com widgets!!!!

2007-03-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

Now I can take my favorite player with me!!!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm sure this was aimed at kids and not grown ass men.

Fusion Gone Too Far?

2007-03-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to happy hour and spotted this new restaurant on Colorado Blvd:

What in the name of Donatella Versace is going on? Thaitalian?!?! Are you kidding me? Granted I've not gone into the place or even delved into their website in any detail, but my first reaction wasn't a pleasant one. You know... like the first time you heard "Cookies n' Cream Ice Cream" or "Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream". Those just make your mouth water. Thaitalian is more along the lines of a Peanut Butter and Tuna Sandwich.

Thaitalian.... mmmmmmmm.... Yes, I'll have the Pad Thai Penne Pasta. And for dessert I try the Gellato with Boba. Mmmmm mmmm gross.

Orange Float Drink?

2007-02-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

We're having lunch at one of my japanese spots and E asked for some orange juice. This is what she received. It's safe to say it tasted nothing like orange juice.

And if it seems like I am blogging about utter nonsense today, you'd be correct. I have the day off and I am giving the mobile blogger a spin. More to come!

She made it!

2007-02-20T11:25:00.000-08:00

After much prodding and pushing we made it to the top.

Next time we're running up that sumbitch!

Runyon Canyon

2007-02-20T10:59:00.001-08:00

E wanted to wake up and go hiking this morning. So we're n Runyon Canyon right now. And yes, I am blogging whilst I hike.

Wingman had one beer too many

2007-02-16T19:02:00.001-08:00

Wingman had one beer too many.

Carlos Mencia, You Just Got Served!!!!!!!

2007-02-15T06:38:00.000-08:00

Metroblogging Los Angeles: Joe Rogan Calls Out Carlos Mencia, Gets Banned From Comedy Store

It's about time someone called out Carlos Mencia. I can't stand that bastard. His humor is very low-brow and not creative at all. I think the only reason he is making money is because of the sketch-show-comedy void left by Chappelle.

I went to see him in concert a few years back. He was still big but in no way as big as he is now. It was at the Pasadena Ice House. That night he dropped one too many N-bombs for my liking.

I told one of my Mexican homeboys that I was going to go and see Mencia (who in fact isn't Mexican) and he said "you're just going to hear him tell Mexican jokes, huh? I hate that fucker!".

I can't believe this guy got a gig on Comedy Central performing juvenile racial stereotypes. Props to Joe Rogan for taking it to him. I knew Mencia had to be a fraud.

On a side note, I am back to blogging part-time. I recently purchased some new toys that have diverted my attention.

IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A BLOGGER!!!!

Aloha, Bitches!!!!

2006-12-27T06:54:00.000-08:00

I was drunk dialed by my friends last night at 2:30AM. They are all in Oahu for the holidays. God, I hate them sometimes. They sent along this picture for good measure.

Aloha bitches!

AND YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MEEEEEE!!!!

2006-12-26T21:36:00.000-08:00

Me and the lady went to go see Dreamgirls last night. We showed up for the 8:10PM show atleast an hour beforehand and it was already sold out. She was blaming me for not getting the tickets online. For some reason I never comprehend that Christmas night is a really busy night at the theaters. I'll get it some day. So we grabbed our tix for the 10:15PM show and headed back to my car.

Everytime I passed a group of black women I wanted to tell them "Giiiiiirl, the 8 o'clock show is sold out!!!". I coulda been wrong. It's possible they were on their way to see Rocky Balboa. Highly unlikely, but possible nonetheless.

I, like most black folks my age, have very vague memories of Dreamgirls. I remember a buzz about it amongst black women, and how they used to love them some Jennifer Holliday. My mother had the album in her collection, and I remember that, along with Tina Turner's Private Dancer, getting a lot of spins in my mom's record player, so I was somewhat familiar with it. Especially the signature song sung by Jennifer Holiday, And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, that seemed to really strike a chord with sistas, then, and now.

Last week I downloaded said track to hear Jennifer Hudson's rendition of it. It absolutely sent chills down my spine. I felt the holy ghost. It has been a while since I heard anything that soulful, so when it came to her solo at the climax of the movie, the theater went nuts. You could hear smatterings of "Sing it, girl!!" and "Go on, girl!!!" throughout the theater. Jennifer Hudson absolutely killed it. My girl had to restrain me from getting up and dancing like I was in a southern baptist church.

Overall the movie was pretty damn good. I had earlier read that is was loosely based on The Supremes. That was pretty much accurate. At times during the film I was actually thinking "God, I hate Diana Ross". Hahaha, it wasn't that bad, but there more than enough parallels to Motown, Berry Gordy, Diana Ross, and The Supremes to say it was loosely based on. They even had a Jackson Five-esque group in there called The Campbell Connection. That was amusing. I wonder if the little lead singer of The Campbell Connection grew up to have a little white boy fetish. I guess we'll see in the sequel. But I digress. Back to the movie.

Jennifer Hudson did a great job for a rookie performance. She killed every track she was on. That girl was sangin'. If you don't know the difference between singin' and sangin' ask your black friend. If you don't have a black friend, make one and ask him or her.

Beyonce was pretty good in it too. I think she is a little overexposed, so I kinda went in there already tired of seeing her. But towards the end she sang a powerful song ALMOST as good as Jennifer Hudson's song. It was good to see Beyonce showing vocal range and she seemed to be singing with some conviction, which is a good change up from her usual bubble-gum R&B booooshit. To the left, to the left.

Eddie Murphy singing is another story. Why this man keeps on trying, I have no idea. When he sang, all I could think of was Donkey or the James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub Party.

So I give Dreamgirls two, um.... hmmmmm.... two dreads up! Hey, I need my gimmick too.

AND YOU, AND YOU, AND YOOUUUUU, YOU"RE GONNNA LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO YOU'RE GONNA LOVE MEEE!!!!!

Catastrophuck is my new favorite word

2006-12-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show from Tuesday night was classic.

My Nets Lose in Double-Overtime...

2006-12-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

... to the Phoenix Suns, 1-freakin-67 to 1-freakin-58!!!!

This is killing me. My boys cannot get a break. They fall to 7-11 as of today. I take a loss like this to heart. It kills me that my boy, JKidd, maybe had the game of his career, and still loses. His final stat line: 38 pts, 14 rbs, 14 ast. That's right, he messed around and got a triple-double (an Ice Cube reference for the hip hip impaired.)

Needless to say, Jason Kidd is one of my top 3 favorite athletes of all time, as evidenced by this:

That's me and the nieces representing. And yes, that is a grown-ass man wearing the jersey of another grown ass man. Bite me.

Me and JKidd go way back. The first time I saw him ball was in the McDonald's All-American High School Game back in 1991. I was like "daaaaammn, that mf'er is bad ass!!!". From that point I started to follow his career.

He commited to play at Cal which struck me as bizarre at the time. Here was the number one ranked high school player in the nation going to a non-basketball-powerhouse school. But he was an Oakland kid, and wanted to stay at home.

There he put Cal bball on the map!! And there, in his fresman season, he single-handledly beat Duke in the Sweet 16!!!!!

God, I hated duke and Grant Hill. On a side note as my love affair with JKidd grew, my hate affair with Grant Hill also started. It seemed like from that point their careers became intertwined.

The next year Cal lost in the round of 32 to Wisconsin-Green Bay, if I remember correctly. With two stellar years under his belt, Kidd bolted for the NBA.

He was the 2nd pick of the 1994 NBA Draft, ahead of Grant Hill who was selected 3rd. Haha, F You, Grant!!

At the beginning of the 1994 season I started to follow the Mavs. Now this was pretty much basketball blasphemy as I, and native SoCal who was born and raised a Lakers fan. But this during that weird transition period of LA Laker basketball, post-Showtime. It was pretty bad on the eyes to watch. So I started to get into college ball and started following those personalities. That sure as hell beat watching Nick Van Excel and Ced Ceballos. Me-first ballers who were pretty much the antithesis of Jason Kidd. So I jumped to the Mavs. Sue me.

His rookie season was amazing. Triple-double after triple-double. He single-handedly turned around that franchise. He was Co-Rookie of The Year with Grant Hill. Again, f you, Grant.

He ended up being traded to Phoenix after some booooooshit went down with him, Jim Jackson and Toni Braxton. It's not ever worth talking about. Hey, Jim, how has your career been since Kidd left your side, you journey-man son of a bitch!

During the Dallas/Phoenix years I tried to see JKidd as much as possible when his teams came to town. I endured many uncomfortable nights watching the Mavs/Suns lose to the Lakers.

I remember one loss at the Forum where the Suns got blowed the fuck out of the water, and the walk back to the car was unbearable. The Forum had a layout where there was really no easy way out. People shuffled slowly to their cars through very few exits. We were cattle just being herded to the lot across the street. That was a very painful 20 minute exit as I was being heckled from all directions. There I was with my head down, wearing my Suns' Jason Kidd jersey. I still have emotional scars from that day.

But the highlight of those times when the Suns visited LA was when my girl Big D came through with some playoff tickets in 2000 for me in the luxury mf'in box at the new Staples Center downtown. Up until that point I think that was the highlight of my pathetic life.

I remember the day. Twas a Sunday, Game 1, the best 3 out 5. I arrived wearing my JKidd jersey talking all kinds of shit to the Laker Fans. "Suns in four!!!!!" I screamed.

Before we got to the luxury box, I went down courtside to kinda take a pic with JKidd:

I shoulda called him over to give him some love since I was the only Suns fan in the house, but alas I froze up like a lil beeeyotch. I really regret not doing that. I just didn't want to mess with his pre-game warm up and jeopardize what little chance we had to with that game.

To make a long story short, the Suns got ran pretty bad. It was over by the third quarter. The fans around me were heckling, but I deserved it. I was being pretty obnoxious. Screaming my head off over every little thing the Suns did, and booing Shaq mercilessly while he was shooting free throws. We were pretty damn close, so that mf'er had to hear my big ass mouth. Yeah, I really made an ass outta myself. I ended up running out of the Staples Center with my tail between my legs through one of there many exits. At least I wasn't subjected to the same ordeal like back at the Forum.

He has led the Nets twice to the NBA finals. In 2002 versus the Lakers where they got swept by 4-0. This just fueled my burning hate for the Lakers. Especially for Kobe and Shaq. The lone highlight of that series was at the end of game 4, after the Lakers had won, Shaq gave a shout out to JKidd. As he put it "The REAL NBA MVP". JKidd lost out to Tim Duncan in the MVP voting of 2002. He was robbed. But Shaq's comments made me feel warm and fuzzy.

The next year they lost to the Spurs in the finals. They were much more competitive, but Byron Scott cost us that championship with some very questionable coaching moves. I still hate you to this day, Byron Scott, you hear me? I HATE YOU!!!

Anyhoo, I was moved to write this after seeing the result of tonight's game. I am taking it really hard. JKidd is in the twilight of his NBA career and I just hate seeing him lose a game where he left it all out on the floor. That's my mf'in boy, and I feel like his time is running out.

Pinkberry - What's All The Hubbub, Bub?

2006-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I made a visit to the Studio City Pinkberry to find out what all the hubbub was about. I had been reading about them in the LA blogosphere the past few months. There were openings in various parts of LA, people coming out in droves handing over fist fulls of caysh to stick their beaks in this stuff. You know, typical LA behavior when someone new enters the retail space. I remember when Krispy Kreme came onto the scene, people acted like they lost their g'damn minds over a donut. I admit I was one of them. But I was young and stupid then. Now I am thirty-two and somewhat less stupid.

My crew and I headed to Pinkberry after some great three-star dining at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffle. Mmmmm, a frozen yogurt chaser after chicken and waffles. There wasn't much of a line when we arrived there, so we mosied on up to place our order. Their decorum was neo-something-or-other mixed in with some neon this-and-that. The cobblestone floor was pretty cool. The furniture was something out of the Ikea day glow collection. You know, something they would call DAYGLOWDERKUM, or some shit like that.

The menu was surprisingly understated. The yogurt only came in two flavors: green tea and plain. The topping were your stanard fare: oreos, chocolate chips, fruit. But get this.. they had Cap'n Crunch and Fruity Pebbles!!! Whoa, I guess that sets them apart. I opted for the fresh raspberries and strawberries. And as I tasted my first spoonful I was overwhelmed with feelings of mediocrity and indifference. I had just paid six bucks for a medium cup of yogurt. What the hell? Is this what people were lining up for? Is this what the buzz was about? OVER-RATED, clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!!!!!

Feeling Old Moments - Number 1 of Many To Come

2006-11-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

A while back I was in the lunch room with two female coworkers (one that I am presently dating) and I mentioned something to them about Richard Pryor (ironically it was about one week before he died). And they were like "who?!" and I exclaimed "Richard mf'in Pryor?!?!?!".

Then it dawned on me: you old, mf'er. That was a very sobering and uncomfortable moment for me. There I was staring at two clueless faces. It wasn't their fault. Richard hadn't been relevant for many years since he was in declining health, but still you'd think they would have seen an old movie, an old stand-up gig, or something. So I(father time) explained who he was and went on spinning my yarn about him.

The next week he passed and I approached those two:
"DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS NOW?!?!?!?!"
"Ohhhhh, that's him. yeah, we've seen him before."

I have another coworker that thinks Eddie Murphy is "the guy from Dr. Doolittle", "the guy from Bowfinger", "the guy from The Nutty Professor" and "the guy from The Haunted Mansion". I told him "Sonny, Eddie Murphy USED to be a comedian that told dirty jokes like 'suck this, suck that, and kiss my big black stuff'". Paraphrasing Ed, of course.

Then I got to thinking... I own Eddie Murphy Raw on DVD, his second concert movie. His first was Eddie Murphy Delirious, and that will never see the light of day on DVD. Something tells me that bad boy will be shelved for years to come.

If you are unfamiliar with the content of it, there are some VERY homophobic parts to it. This was circa 1984 and he tells "AIDS" and "FAGGOT" jokes. I downloaded the mp3 file of it, and I was kinda mortified listening to it. It is a time capsule of ignorance. It has its classic comedic moments, but wow, that'll never get any airplay nowadays. It would really jeopardize the image of "Eddie Murphy, Family Film Star". Good thing we all have short memories.

Signs that you are unknowingly in attendance of an adult industry halloween party

2006-11-12T20:24:00.001-08:00

(that's porn for those of you scoring at home)

1) A woman approaches me and wingman and asks us "are you in the industry?". I answer no. She walks off. A few moments lapse and we realize what I said and WM screams out "mf'er, the next time someone asks you if you're in the industry, the correct answer is YES!!". Lesson learned.

2) The woman walking around with DOUBLE-G sized breasteses with nothing but an "X" of electrical tape covering her nipplage. How do I know they were DOUBLE-Gs? I drunkenly approached her and said "man, what are those, TRIPLE-Fs????". Just missed it.

3) The woman openly fondling her mammories in plain view, for everyone to see, and for everyone to capture on film. That whole sequence landed me in the dog house after I screamed across the room to get wingman's attention so he could gaze at that spectacle. That little stunt earned me the YOU-ACT-LIKE-YOU-HAVE-NEVER-SEEN-BREASTS Lecture.

There you have it. If you scored three out of three you're at a porn halloween party.

Oh, and then there's THIS. I found this a couple of weeks later when I googled the venue and the event. That flyer pretty much says we attended a porn party. Good times.

Halloween weekend has long been a favorite of mine. I'm not a big holiday person either. But it definitely ranks ahead of Christmas, Thanksgiving and all of the other holidays. For purely secular reasons. I like dressing up and getting drunk and I like watching usually conservative women dress slutty. Sue me.

This Halloween was my first halloween not being single in a looooooooooong looooooong time. So it's safe to say some of my bad bachelor habits surfaced, but all-in-all I was pretty good.

I would have liked to have shown you pictures of what that night was about. Not to perve-out or anything, but just to illustrate the surrealness of it all. But being at a PORN PARTY with YOUR GIRLFRIEND takes care of that. I hope my words did it justice. So enjoy the following sanitized and sterile pictures.

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Labor Day Weekend

2006-09-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, for the first time in as far as the mind can remember, I actually had some shit to do on Labor Day weekend!

Friday night was Nuvia's birthday soiree at Villa Chorizo (actually, I think it's Villa Sorriso, but choriza makes me laugh.)

Me and my boo started off our weekend there with a few sips and a few laughs watching off-beat people gouging each other in the eye trying to go from "the window, to the waaaallll".

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The next morning we headed out to Pearl's birthday party in Palm Springs. Did I tell you that you only go to Palm Springs for two reasons? Play golf or die. This is my second trip in four months. I've yet to drop dead or pick up a golf club.

We arrived at the spot early (doing everyting in my power to change the perception of CP Time), even before the birthday girl (see picture of me yawning awaiting her arrival). There was a grip of food and a grip of booze. They even broke out the karaoke machine. It looked like a good time was about to pop off.

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I was about to get my Luther Vandross on, but alas, we had to cut our visit short. We were meeting up with Wingman and his lady down in San Diego.

We made great time to San Diego thanks to my fine luxury asian import (my 1996, 4-cylinder Honda Accord). I've never taken the 15 down to SD. It was a great drive, bypassing the Orange Crush and all that other booooshit. I even saw a cool bridge. Yeah, so what, I thought it was cool. Bite me.

We did some serious chillaxing in SD. Stuffed our collective faces anytime we could and just spent some QT with WM and his lady.

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The first highlight of the trip, Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

My first trip ever to Ruth's Chris was in Maui in 2001. This was before I was a big red meat eater, but all that has changes thanks to my bastard friends. I prolly ordered that first steak well done, which is a sin.

Five years later a brova knows how he likes his fleshed cooked, and Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, that had to be one of the best steaks I ever had. It may even knock off my beloved Gallagher's Steak house in Vegas. Porterhouse, medium, with extra mf'in butter. Dear lord.

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The second highlight of SD was speedboating at Coronado island. That was absolutely amazing. I am still dumfounded that anyfool off the street with a fist full o' caysh can rent one of these sumbitches for a couple of hours. The only warning signs in the shop were to stay atleast 300 yards from the aircraft carrier and battle ships! Holy shit! That's all I need is to get blow'd the fuck up on labor day weekend.

All they told us was "you damage the prop, you're paying for it.... now sign this waiver of liability". And we're off!

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We had that sumbitch for about 90 mins or so. The map blow illustrates our path. As you can see, we prolly shoulda stayed in the bay, but we went way way out into open water. Which prolly wasn't a good idea since the radio in our boat didn't work and were prolly outta cell phone range. Good times nonetheless!

Birthday Pub Crawl

2006-08-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

Wasn't a pub crawl, per se, more like a pub-next pub was too busy-back to the previous pub crawl.

We started off at Ole's. My brave co-workers endured Jager-bomb after Jager-bomb inducing nausea on me. And I was only drinking Heineken light. It was an amazing/stomach-turning feat to watch.

Then we headed off to Casa Vega. It was too damn crowded, so we headed back to Ole's.

The night was capped off at Sushi Dan. Sushi so good you'll want to slap yo momma. Since I was closer to home I manned up and did a Saki-bomb. I am such a bad ass. Note to self: never try octopus again, no matter how buzzed you are.

Enjoy the pics!

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Birthday Blog

2006-08-23T22:38:00.000-07:00

Thirty-Two years ago this week, greatness was born

My birthdays are usually bittersweet for me since my mom hasn't been here to share them with me the last 11 years. This years birthday was pretty enjoyable, and hopefully the start of a new trend.

I get to the office like usual, and find that someone (my boo) set off a confetti bomb at my desk. She left a ginormous birthday card and a gourmet breakfast:

The work crew then took me to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch. That was pretty uneventful.

My boo meets me back at my place and showers me with gifts. B-Dawg, the Build-A-Bear Bear, decked out in Philadelphia Eagles gear:

And the best gift of all... Out with the old (my old Canon PowerShot circa 2001):

And in with the new (my new Canon PowerShot SD600)!!:

And then we dined and a local steakhouse by the crib:

Fernando's Wedding

2006-08-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

My boy Fernando's wedding. What a blessed event. He had a live mariachi band and they were the shizzle. Enjoy the pics!

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The Cocktail Party

2006-08-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

Somethings I learned about hosting a cocktail party:

Try to take pictures before the sipping begins

Do not decide to take pictures 4 hours into said cocktail party

Sweatpants and cell phones are a bad combination

Mixed drinks are ~~hell~~ the devil incarnate. I will never EVER deviate from my beer and tequila diet again

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The Flintstones' Winston Ad

2006-08-01T18:29:00.000-07:00

I was watching The Daily Show last night, and there was a segment on some guy who thinks today's cartoons are bad for children. He went on to say that old school cartoons were better for children.

The show went on - in true Daily Show fashion - to show a clip of Tom and Jerry with a Mammy-like character (pictured on the left) chasing Tom around (to illustrate the racism in older cartoons), and this clip of the Flintstones hocking Winston cigarettes. Good stuff.

Camera Phone Phun - The Lunch From Hell

2006-08-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

The Humidiest Place on Earth

2006-07-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

I know humidiest isn't a word, but I am making it one.

The ol' company picnic was at Disneyland this year. For the most part it was fun but I came to the realization that I don't have me amusement-park-stamina like I did when I was a wee lad.

I really can't get with the crowds, long waits and blatent price-gouging that goes on. Other than that, good times are to be had.

Eventhough I somewhat despise amusement parks now, I am actually giving thought to trying an annual pass for one year. I could see going to there on a whim with no real pressure to see everything in one day. Go in, see a show, ride a ride, then get the ufck out!

I didn't take many pics because I was chaffing, sticky, and just down right surely (from what I hear) for most of the day. So enjoy the few.

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This NEVER gets old

2006-07-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

We are now in the dead part of the year; after basketball season and before football season. This video will help me get through the summer.

I am a straight man. Like George Costanza said "I have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality". That being said, I love you Reggie Bush.

Gnarls Barkley - 2006 MTV Video Music Awards

2006-07-05T21:26:00.000-07:00

I really like this jam (me and everybody else, right?). I like where these brothas (Cee-lo and Andre 3000) are taking their music. It's a reminder that we can create other genres besides hip hop. I guess it's coming full circle now.

The Second Annual Stephanie Going Away Party

2006-06-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yup, this time she actually followed through with leaving. We'll miss her 7 hours a week. No one could shop at work like Steph. You were the best, kid!

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Office Tomfoolery

2006-06-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

I am showered with the love and affection of my female coworkers. A nice young lady was gracious enough to put this note on my wall.

The paper clips you see on the window above the note is an homage I put up of another young lady with braces that used to sit on the other side of said window. Does that make me a jerk?

UPDATE 1-Nestle buys Jenny Craig diet firm for $600 mln | Reuters.com

2006-06-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

UPDATE 1-Nestle buys Jenny Craig diet firm for $600 mln | Reuters.com

What a bizarre merger.

It's like Manischewitz acquring Farmer John or Jimmy Dean.

Jay-Z Shelves Cristal At 40/40 Club, Urges Boycott

2006-06-17T13:13:00.000-07:00

AllHipHop.com : Daily Hip-Hop News

I applaud Jay-Z's decision to boycott Cristal after the managing director of Louis Roederer (the company that makes Cristal) pretty much said that he doesn't appreciate the patronage of the hip hop community.

"That's a good question, but what can we do?" he said. "We can't forbid people from buying it. I'm sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business."

Instead of embracing the viral marketing that hip hop has provided, he chose to thumb his nose at us. He should pay out some royalties. C'est la vie.

Lets reminisce on the love affair between hip hop and Cristal. Cue "The way we were":

Murder Inc - "ith me Knowing I put you six feet deep and them niggas could die wit'cha Cock the hot pistol and pop the hot Cristal And promise you only one thing"

Kurupt - "with my fuckin nigga Mo Khomani I'm out my mind like a Irani, a terrorist with tactics off that Cristal twisted backwards"

Trillville - "me Ho you ain't gettin in 'less you show some ID I'ma 106'n like AJ and Free And I'm poppin Cristal, Moet and Hennessy Cause I'm way too cool"

Biggie and the Brat - "guns under the seat And my nigga just came home from work, release Cristal in my lap, chronic in the air (Brat: Nigga, pass that shit like you just...:"

Lil Kil and Biggie - "all crews Bitches still drinkin booze I sip Cristal and Landcruise Recieve ... entrepeneurs Cristal pourers, be glad we ain't takin yours Boring huh"

Funk Flex - "Yeah Funk Flex and uh, we don't stop Y'all wanna rhyme like me, wanna dime like me Every Tom Dick and Harry wanna ride my mami Drink Cristal, play diamonds"

Jurmaine Dupree - "When it comes to the clubs packed, Cristal flowin' (I've got to have it) When it comes to homes plushed out chrome stuck"

R. Kelly and Biggie - "hat ass is mine Skip the wine and the candlelight, no Cristal tonight If its alright with you, we fuckin (that's alright) Deja vu, the blunts sparked"

Jagged Edge - "'Cause over here when the jam drops everybody bug Standin' on the couches like this our club Got the Bacardi and Cristal mixed in too (yeah) Knowin' in"

Ok, I'll stop all or I'll be here all damn day. You get the point though, we love us some Cristal for some reason.

While we're here talking about black folks and spirits, can we stop all the Bacardi/Party booooooshit?

For your entertainment:

Jagged Edge - "Ay, where that bacardi at?" Mix it with the Cris' baby, what's wrong with that? ... {Tell 'em} Girls is on the way, where the Bacardi"

50 Cent and Lloyd Banks - "(got me a bottle) Champaigne drinkin' (got me a bottle) [Lloyd Banks] I'm gettin' tipsy off a bottle of Bacardi Wit' a model at a party I got kids,"

E-40 - "fuckin party, Bacardi Light and Bacardi Dark Triple sec and that grenadine and that pineapple juice and parsley Go up and bite that ass like a shark"

Terror Squad - "Yo ladi-dadi, mami, I love to party Plus I always cause trouble when I guzzle Bacardi Got the hotties sippin rum"

Method Man - "I push my way in Bum rush there's plenty of us to tear the club up Guzzlin Bacardi and such, I split a Dutch Bouncin nigga lookin like he want war Now I"

Cuban Link - "this song's got you excited I'm known for getting rowdy, we gone off that bacardi but no- we gon' party and get freaky tonight do what you like"

Kool Keith - "I don't wanna party drink Bacardi what you think I look like; the purple dragon Barney? [Chorus] Back stage! You're excited.. back stage passes!"

Benzino - "Bettin' it all at the crap tables, rip the casino From Vegas to Reno, me and Benzino We gonna rock the party and drink Bacardi, all damn night Awww watch me"

As the self-appointed Lord of Blackness and Hip Hop, my first order of business will be to declare a moratorium on rhyming "party" and "bacardi".

Paris Hilton plans reggae, hip hop album - Yahoo! News

2006-05-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

Paris Hilton plans reggae, hip hop album - Yahoo! News

Dear God, no.

I'd rather listen to a cd of flatulant truck drivers. Seriously, I would.

Welcome to Palm Springs, surface of the Sun!

2006-05-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, it wasn't that hot, but it was hotter than a mf'er!

My girl and I spent the weekend out in "Tha PS" this past weekend. We had a great host and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves from beginning to end. I have no complaints... but just one observation: the night life is...... interesting.

Granted I shouldn't make sweeping generalization from such a small sample of data, but the nightlife in Palm Springs leaves a lot to be desired for.

Now let me preface this by saying, I hate being a club snob. I realize that it's all relative. I realize that if I lived out there I'd prolly be at that same spot every weekend. That being said... good God, who let the mf'in dogs out?!?!?!?!

I have never been to a club where there were NO attractive women outside of the ones we rolled in with. I remember sitting there, looking around, thinking to myself Right now there is an empty kennel somewhere in the greater Palm Springs metropolitan area. So big-ups to Palm Springs for pulling of the impossible.

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An Evening at... Hooters?

2006-05-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

That's right, freaking Hooters. A buddy of mine left the company last week and another coworker of mine decided it'd be a great idea to send him off with some cocktails at Hooters in Burbank.

From the jump I was against this decision. I am not a 19-year old frat boy, nor am I from the south, so I just couldn't fathom spending an evening there. You must believe me, I tried with every fiber in my being to have the festivities moved elsewhere. Alas the going-away-boy didn't want to ruffle the organizer's feathers so we were forced to accomodate him.

I had been to the Hooters in Santa Monica twice before, many many moons ago. I thought the food and women were below average.

Two years ago I went to the one in Old Town Pasadena to catch the Lakers/Nets game. Again not my choice and again the same result: bad food, plastic skanky women.

But I have been to the mountain top, brother, and the Hooters in Burbank takes the cake. The women there were absolutely brutal on the ol' eyes. There were all types of asses, except nice ass of course. There were flat asses, pancake asses, negative asses, asses that have put out atleast a kid or three, just a disaster all around. Who was ever in charge of passing out those little orange shorts should be taken out back and beaten like a rented mule. Discretion, my man, discretion.

What is to blame for this? Over expansion? A dwindling job pool? A product of the area? I have no idea, but kudos to you Burbank. This should be destination number one on your chamber of commerce site.

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Happy Belated One Year Anniversary to Bdub's Blog!!!

2006-05-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

And they said I was commitment-phobic. Hogwash, I say!!!

Granted I haven't been blogging as much as of late. Relationships have a tendency to eat into ones abundance of free time. So it's safe to assume that there is a correlation between a person's love life (or lack thereof) and the amount of time they spend blogging.

But I have my second-wind now, and over the next twelve months I promise you, my tens of readers, more of my thoughts, rants and unsolicited opinions than ever before.

It's a celebration, bitches!!!

Las Vegas - April 2006 - Fun at Madam Tussauds

2006-05-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

Wax museums are always fun after having a cocktail or five at lunch.

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Nigga Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!

2006-02-22T23:03:00.000-08:00

Damon Wayans Tries to Trademark 'N' Word

Wow. I don't know if I am at a loss for words because it's been over a month since my last blog entry or because Damon Wayans would be so careless.

It reminds me of what Chappelle said in his Oprah interview: There's a fine line between laughing at you and laughing with you.

I hope D. Wayans' clothing line never sees the light of day. All that would do is desensitize EVEN more people to the word and fools would be droppin' N-Bombs left and right.

Camera Phone Phun

2006-01-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

The Guru focusing during an important conference call.